Soldier

Chapter 5

It's been an hour since I've left home. I feel this emptiness inside of me. The feeling or I should consider not an actual feeling because I don't know what to feel at the moment. I feel empty, my heart is empty. The vehicle has been quiet for an hour and I know that I couldn't stand this for two more longing hours. So I hit the on button of the radio and 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' by Cindy Lauper fills in the silence.

I take a deep breath trying to calm myself and just enjoy the song. This was beginning to be difficult because different thoughts are entrapping me and I feel like everything's mixed up. I worry that I wouldn't be able to think straight. I worry that I might get caught into an accident and death might come upon me sooner than expected. I halt the car into a stop near the sidewalk of this long highway. I nestle my head on the stearing wheel to prevent myself from having an anxiety attack. I know that for a time I have to help myself deal with this. This situation that's been affecting me, myself.

I take in deep breaths and exhale after a few seconds. I try to clear my mind off of thoughts that are not worthwhile to ponder on. I tighten my grip on the steering wheel, looking ahead at the highway. I take one last breath and drive the car. It sped up every once in a while. I lean over in my seat, trying to relax myself.

I look over my phone to check if there were any messages or calls from anybody, but there was none. So I try to focus and keep myself busy driving. Apart from all the thoughts I've been pondering on, there was this one quite distant from the others. It felt so important that even if I didn't want myself to dig deeper about it, I had to. I had this vibe that I needed to think about that thought more than the others. I felt like it fit right to the situation I was in. Which I thought was kind of a coincidence.

I once overheard a Father talking to his son who was about my age a couple of weeks ago. He was talking about an epiphany. I know I've heard the word epiphany before but I didn't know what it actually meant. I listened more closely to what the Father was telling his son and I eventually understood the meaning of epiphany. It's like this experience or lesson or maybe a lecture that can somehow change you to have a different perspective on things about the world.

It took me back to this situation. The main thing is that a week ago I've been such a vulnerable person. I know I'm still vulnerable but I'm slowly picking up the pieces to be able to help myself have a stronger grip. To not let myself become too weak. I consider that moment as an epiphany. The reason why I changed my perspective about myself is because I couldn't be weak for Curtis. I had to be strong to keep this relationship. I don't want to throw everything away and leave it all behind. He meant so much to me. All those moments we spent together aren't just moments. They're a memory that is meant to be kept forever.

I know Curtis needs me. He needs someone who could be strong for him. I believe I could be that person. I believe that I could give him strength and hope. But aside from that, what truly pains me is if he's still here. Curtis is missing and I can't be sure if he's still alive. God I wish he is. I wish that this epiphany can help me to stay strong and keep up the fight for our relationship.

It's crazy how my love for Curtis wasn't this much. Sure I've always supported him but I haven't done anything beyond that and now I am. I'm ready to surpass all the hardships that may come our way. They said that you'd do anything for the person you love and that saying is true for me. I love Curtis and I care about him. I want to be able to help save his life even if maybe I could put mine on the risk.

I spot a motel on the other side of the road. It was 11:30pm and my body has been exhausted for the day. My eyes were slowly starting to get heavy. I park the vehicle and hop out of the car. I head my way to the motel's registrar and within a couple of minutes, the lady handed me the keys to my room for the night.

I slowly rest myself on the bed. All I could think of was this epiphany. The epiphany that is slowly changing me. God I wish this epiphany would last forever.

So brick by brick I am breaking through these walls oh between you and me, I am not giving up on us...

Author's note:

Hey guys it's been such a long time since I've done an author's note. Many things are going to happen in the following chapters so stay tuned! I apologize if this chapter is kind of deep or too emotional as well as the fourth. I hope you guys enjoy this fanfiction as much I enjoy writing it! Stay tuned! I've got everything planned on this. :)

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