I Would Kill For You

18. Of The Night

He frowned and shook his head, exhaling sharply.

"Why do you think we don't get along?"

"Joseph implied it. And if you had gotten along with him, you would've told me about him, wouldn't you? Why did you keep the fact that you have a twin brother from me?"

"I knew you'd ask me that." he sighed softly. "Joe has always been the perfect son. I'm not saying he's perfect, he has his flaws, like any other human being, but I feel like my dad has always had a liking to him. And my mom too. He has never caused any trouble at school or anywhere else, and he had been the most obedient, understanding child I've ever come across. He never judges anyone, has never disappointed anyone. He's everything I'm not." he summarized, staring at the horizon.

 His tone was bleak, but I knew that when he looked his coldest and untouchable, he was dealing with a malevolent storm of emotions inside. "I didn't tell you about him because I dreaded the fact that after meeting him you'd start to hate me, as Monica did. Like everyone else does. Because I'm the dysfunctional brother. I'm messed up. I'm not a good person. And I deserve the hatred."

Hearing him talk this way about himself severed my heart in two. I could have never imagined that he felt like this, unloved and hated by everyone. Girls literally drooled over him, and he was always so confident, so imposing. An amalgam of emotions made my blood boil: anger at his parents, for not making him feel loved and appreciated; vexation, because the whole academy pointed fingers at him and called him a killer; affection and deep concern for his mental health.

I put the tray with food aside and reached for his hand, squeezing it between mine.

"Damian, look at me." I asked him with a quivering voice. He didn't squeeze my hand back; he scrutinized me stolidly and numbly. "Don't ever say that. Don't ever, ever say that again." I emphasized. "I'm sure your parents love you the same, and no matter what you do, they always will, because you're their son. You're not Joseph, and you shouldn't compare yourself to him. You're your own person. And feeling broken doesn't make you a bad person. Making bad decisions doesn't make you a bad person. You're intelligent, trustworthy, honest, protective, loyal and despite what you think, selfless. I know you'd do anything for the people you love."

"I'm not selfless." he gave a pained smothered laugh. "I'm so damn selfish. Because I can't see my life without you in it anymore. I can't let you go. And if you would've asked me to leave earlier, I don't know what I would've done. I'd probably go mad. I'm already mad."

"Damian..." I stopped him, but he shook his head and squeezed my hand.

"For a very long time, for almost my whole life, I felt absolutely nothing. I thought there was something wrong with me; I felt empty on the inside. But then I met you, and you made me feel more than I've felt in my whole life. I don't know if this is..."

He was interrupted by the ring of my phone, which startled me. He licked his lips with a slight tinge of frustration, leaning back on the bed. I let go of his hand and rummaged through my purse until I found it. As I expected, it was my father. Damn it, I thought displeasingly. Just when Damian was opening up to me about his innermost...

"I'm sorry. I'll be right back." I murmured awkwardly, heading to the dining room.

After a five minute conversation in which I repeatedly assured my dad that we were safe and sound, I checked my messages. I had about six of them from Devon, and 2 missed calls from him.

Bel, where are you? 11:02 PM

Are you OK? 11:05 PM

Come back, let's talk 11:09 PM