That One Summer 《 Vmin 》

Chapter 54

I stiffen at her order, gazing down at the door bundle in the dark haze. A gulp tortures my throat as it's full of anxiety, my hand hesitantly resting on the handle. I didn't want to touch the door, because I don't want to open it. Opening the door means that time is still flowing, and it's flowing without him here.

In here yeah I feel miserable, but some part of him still exists strongly in this room. I'm not sure if I want to face the world without him yet.

"Open the damn door."

The force she emits sends a shiver down my spine. Real hesitatingly I unlock the door, twisting the knob to only let a shrivel of light through. I know my voice is about to come out scrawny and weak, because I feel my throat tighten as I stare straight down at her feet.

"Mum I told you I'm not hungry. Please leave me alone." I mumble quickly to her, ready to just close this door. Before waiting for any response I turn and close the door behind me, but she grabs my forearm harshly.

"Stop this." She hisses at me as her gaze is so fixated on mine that is suffocating, being much scarier than if she was to yell. "Stop starving yourself because it isn't helping him to come back. Your just making you body worse Jimin, and it's not gonna help anyone if you die of starvation. So stop being a fool and come eat!"

I stare at her unsettled, shaken by her words. Without knowing what's happening I feel her embracing me, stroking my head in a soothing manner.

Don't cry Jimin," I feel the vibration in her her chest as she murmurs those words, a sob leaving my lips uncontrollably. I close my mouth in shock, these sudden tears streaming from my eyes out of nowhere. All the feeling abruptly hits me now, and I claw at the back of her shirt to ground me.

Its so frusturating.

Where did he go without a word. Where did he leave too.

"Mummy I miss him," I bawl, something in me crumbling. "Where is he?"

I feel her grip tighten, her heart probably hurting seeing me like this but I can't help it. " I know you miss him sweetie, I do too. We'll find him, but you have to eat to have enough energy to look okay?" Her voice is pained, so I bite my lip to stop the cries.

I'm hurting her by being like this.

So I nod my head to show that I understand, letting her lead me to the kitchen.

—-

It's been a few days since I've left his room for the first time in weeks. My appetite hasn't grown one bit, but I always force down at least one meal a day for my Mother's sake.

I don't want her to be worried like that again; because I've always known her as a strong person, when she almost cried because of me, that also struck a cord that I can't afford to kill off. Too many have ripped apart on me, that if it continued on I would've died from the pain.

Last night I couldn't sleep, just like the nights before. I can't seem to dream, and instead the only thing I do the whole night is stare at the back of my eyes. I can tell it's extremely early in the morning by the lack of light that sneaks past the blinds.

Sitting up in his bed, I ponder on going for a walk right now. Later today is going to be the time we go looking, and I haven't mentally prepared myself for it.

All the pessimistic thoughts spiral through my head when I get to that subject, and I always feel the anxiety creeping up on me. I can't stay in this room even if I was able too before, because I've opened myself to the world.

So hopefully a peaceful explore will ease me, like taking pictures of the nature around me. Nature itself never seems stressed, and that's the one reason I love but also envy it. It's always calm, so it never has to worry. But maybe if I admire it enough, I can also be one with it.