Here We Go Again

-CH1-

Charlie's pov

The light flooded into the crowed room I rolled back over shoving my head under the pillow, "Charlie get upppp' lily and Ella,the twins, chorused
"go away"I mumbled from under my pillow
"No char if you don't get up, Katie shouts at all of us so get up" Ella complained taking the pillow from my head which I forcefully grabbed back
"You know for a six year old you're quite demanding" I growled sitting up the girls both giggled, I assume at the state of my hair, tipping my head forward I pulled it into a messy bun.
"Right you two, let's get you dressed, it's adoption day" I sarcastically chimed. There faces light up,they both dream of having a family, a caring mum and protective dad. I sigh at their innocence oh how little they know.
"Ella do you think she'll look like a princess? Maybe the live in a castle or a really nice house with a puppy!" Lily babbled talking about the prospective parents who were visiting today
"Lils, you know how much I want you both to live in a gorgeous house with puppies and two loving parents but you know I tell you not to get your hopes up" I interrupted her stupid babble trying to inject some reality into the only  two girls I've ever felt love for. "We know char but it's just so exciting isn't it! Maybe they'll even adopt you with us and we can all be sisters!!" She beamed.  my heart swelled her innocence kills me
"You know that won't happen babe, I'm too old now" I sighed. As much as I wish is still had her childlike innocence, her excitement. I have nothing anymore. I feel nothing.
"Ella sit still I can't braid straight if you keep moving' I pulled her head gently by her hair so she knew to sit still.
It's always the same routine every Thursday. The girls wake me up, babble stupid shit about being adopted and ask me to make them look pretty which is incredibly easy as they are easily two of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen.
After finishing both girls hair I decide to get myself ready which was easy left my hair in a messy bun and threw on some 'presentable' clothes which in reality was some black jeans and a white off the shoulder bodysuit and some ratty old trainers. I didn't make an effort when it came to adoption day anymore, when you've been through the shit I have you give up. I don't want to be adopted again I just wanna get to 18 so I can get out the system and never have to be put through the shit I've been through again.
I walked to the shared bathroom, I hate having a shared bathroom, we might as well  be in public toilets!
"Louise, Josie, Mia! Get out you need to get to breakfast!" I said sternly to the three 12 year old girls playing with each other's hair. I was the oldest in the orphanage at the moment so the girls knew to listen to me, I know I scare people, I don't have to tell people twice they listen first time. I have awful mood swings so people know not to mess with me. I know the girls know they can talk to me that's just sort of happened by accident as I am the oldest, I'm intimidating but they trust me and they listen, I couldn't give a shit if they don't like me to be fair though. To be quite honest the only two people I give a shit about in here is lily and Ella.
"Charlie you need to eat too" Josie said as she hopped off the counter walking to me "want me to save you some food" she questioned
I smiled down at her "You 3 can share my plate, don't let Katie notice, I'm not feeling too good anyway so I'm just gunna wash my face a stuff, please make sure the twins eat"
The 3 girls smiled brightly, they spring at any opportunity to have a bigger portion then the one they get, for breakfast we normally have a slice of toast with butter and some juice and everyone complains they're hungry after that until lunch rolls around when we get a slightly bigger meal (still not adequate though)
"Thankyou Char" they cheer and run down stairs
Finally I was alone I climbed up onto the windowsill opening the window as much as I could pulling a lighter and a cigarette out from my bra I lit it, the familiar smell and pang in my lungs comforted me as I blew smoke out the window, I started at my last adoption placement, not my choice though I was so against the thought of smoking it reminds me to much of all the beatings I had, my adopted mother or father would stumbled home drunk stinking of alcohol,cigarettes,weed you name it and then they'd relentlessly beat, rape and cut me. Anyway, yeah my last adopter,Aaron and Marcie your classic couple straight from and episode of skins (British tv show, if ya get me,ya get me) constantly had parties I was adopted to occupy the role of a maid, they didn't have to pay me, they got paid to fucking have me! The perfect situation!! I fuelled there addictions but cleared up their mess! Everyday Aaron would make me smoke if I wanted food, fuck know why he's a very fucked up man, but that's how I got hooked, I smoke 3 times a day like routine as I had to smoke for my three meals,Marcie would be the one to hit, if something wasn't clean enough I'd get hit, if there was too much vodka in the vodka and coke, hit. She would cut my wrists to 'save me the trouble' if I was to quote.
None of the girls here know I've been abused
None of the girls here will ever know
I can't let them know that when you get adopted that's what happens which is so cruel for me to do, not warning them but I cant break their innocence I can't be like my abusers  I can't steal the precious thought of going to a loving home from them. Because I wish I still had that quality in me, I wish I could be optimistic but it's not going to happen anymore, I've decided that if I ever get adopted again to just go with it don't complain let them abuse you, so I can finally leave this cruel earth. It's sad but I've already accepted my death I know I'm physically and mentally weak so it won't take much to break me anymore, knowing that it could all be over soon makes me smile, I can't bring my self to take my own life while I'm at the orphanage purely for the thought of leaving lily and Ella alone, if I'm gonna do it I'll do it when I've left. I can't put them through that. I'll never forget the face Ella made when she saw the cuts up my arm, I can't put her through anymore then that one minuscule incident that I blamed on falling over.
Finishing my cigarette I took one long drag and threw the butt out the window closing the window securely I hopped down a brushed my teeth and sprayed my self with deodorant to rid the smell of smoke and finally made my way down to the other girls.