These poems mean nothing.

Why is the sky leaking?

" Mommy, the sky is leaking."

" Don't worry honey that's just the rain, it wont hurt you."

  If it won't hurt us why do we use an umbrella?

"Mommy, my toy boat is sinking."

" I will fix it eventually."

You never fixed it.

"Mom, I broke my leg. It really hurts."

" It will be okay."

It wasn't okay. I still have a limp.

" Mom a boy in class keeps pulling my hair."

" That means he likes you, sweetie."

   I remember getting excited about Bobby pulling my hair. I thought for once I got to be like the pretty girls who always had boys crushing on them but after a year I realized that Bobby was just a huge jerk.

  Isn't it sad that I was excited to get my hair pulled?

" Mommy, read the story I wrote."

"In a moment sweetie."

That story sat on the counter for a month.

"Mommy, those two girls are holding hands."

" Look away Jenny."

I didn't look away. I watched and I was astounded.

"Mom I am so sorry. I didn't mean to take you from work."

"I just can't believe they made me pick you up because you got a couple of the first-day jitters."

I had a panic attack on my first day of middle school and that's how you respond.

" I don't like this church."

" Why not I thought the pastor was great."

Maybe I hate that he hates me. He was spouting off how God hates people the whole time. Does he even read the Bible?

"I want to hang out with some friends."

" I don't like your friends. They all live alternative lifestyles."

The words you said don't hurt. Its the way you say them. Its the hate you put into every syllable.

" I don't want to talk right now."

" I think we should see a therapist.  If you won't talk to me maybe you'll talk to them. "

By therapist, you meant the pastor. When I refused to go you tried self-therapy. I remember you making me draw how I felt. I would just draw smiley faces to convince you that I was fine. I wasn't fucking fine Mom.

"Mom I have been really sad lately. I can't think straight and I keep wandering to a weird place."

" Its hormones honey. It's definitely PMS."

All mental problems were caused by PMS. By your standards, if we found a way to stop PMS all my problems would be solved.

" Mom, I think a man was following me home."

"You're just paranoid."

That same man ended up chasing me a month later. I was scared I was going to die.

" Mom, I'm gay."

" We should go talk to the pastor before you go announcing your decision to the world."

Hate. In. Every. Syllable.

"I want to be a normal family for once."

"Well if you hadn't come out we could have been a normal family."

After you said that I ended up snapping my wrist with rubber bands. I was scared of killing myself with a knife so hurting myself with a rubber band was the only safe way to feel pain.

" You don't understand what I'm going through. You say you do but you don't."

" Make me understand. I want to understand."

Its fucked up that you trying to understand is the problem. Every time you get close to understanding you get scared and you run away.

"Mom I am a teenager with problems that you can't even comprehend."

" I bet its because you hang out with those people you call friends. You should hang out with Gloria."

  Gloria called me a faggot Mom.

  " Mom do you love me."

" Yes, sweetie."

" Then prove it."

You never proved it.

"Mommy why does it rain?"

"That's what happens when God cries."