Dressed In Black

Writing the Future

Zak's POV

"Mary Allison, will you marry me?" I took a deep breath and looked up from the ring that I was holding. Time seemed to move in slow motion when I looked at her-- she was so beautiful and so strong, with one of the bets personalities of anyone I'd ever met. God I loved her. I was holding this moment as long as I could, the moment where she dropped her hands from her mouth, wiped the tears from her face and dropped down, wrapping her arms around my tightly and whispering in my ear.

"Of course, you idiot." She pulled back and smiled widely before pressing a hard kiss to my lips.

I never thought that I would be one for a long-term relationship, let alone a marriage, but she changed all of that for me. Everything that we had been through led to here-- it all made sense. I couldn't see a future that didn't include her, nor did I even want to try to imagine one. I wanted her by my side for the rest of my life, whether that was here and now, leaning her head on my shoulder and looking at our surroundings in silence, or curled up next to me in the morning, her hair tangled and messy, or even yelling at me to call me out on my bullshit. I wanted all of it. Of course, she'd always been there, nearly 9 years by now, I was just too stupid to see it. I would never make the mistake of overlooking her again. No way. She was everything now.

"Stop thinking so hard, I can hear it from here." She joked. I kissed the top of her head and gently picked up her left hand, sliding the nontraditional ring onto her finger. She examined it.

"Not right away, but someday. Someday I want you to be my wife." I said.

"And someday I will be. It's gorgeous, baby." She shifted and curled her body up, head in my lap. I started playing with her hair.

"I'm glad you like it. I wanted to get you something unique, like us, so I went with the black diamond. And the shape, the way it looks... it's all you, Alli."

"It's perfect. I love you."

"I love you too."

__

So did you do it?- AG

Just a bit ago, she said yes -Z

Thank god. Congratulations you guys. -AG

Thanks brother. We'll see you in a couple of days. Rest up. - Z

"Who was that?" Alli asked, taking a sip of her water and coming to sit next to me.

"Aaron, just asking how it all went down earlier. He says congratulations to both of us."

"He's sweet. I texted Lilyanne but she hasn't responded yet."

"I can't imagine what her reaction will be."

"Something lewd, I'm sure." She responded and laughed at her friend's tendency to be a little more than PG-13 in nearly all situations.

"Oh I'm sure." I laughed as another text rolled in.

Aaron texted. Congrats G. Bill and Jay say congrats too. -Bacon

Thanks. Keep it on the DL guys. -Z

Of course. Have fun in the fuck shed with your girl.- Bacon

Dude. -Z

"Fuck shed?" She chuckled as she read over my shoulder, "Classy nickname for the place."

"You know Bacon." I shrugged. She wasn't the only one with lewd friends.

"I do." She stood behind me and ran her hands down the front of my chest, "Wanna make it live up to the name?"

"Oh fuck yeah." I got up and whisked her away to the bedroom that we didn't end up leaving for the better part of the day. If this was the life we would have... Goddamn I had to be better at scheduling my time. Allison surely won over any other plans I had.

___

Allison's POV

Zak had fallen asleep shortly after we were done... talking that night. I was sat awake, looking at my ring and wrestling with my thoughts. I was unspeakably happy-- I myself wasn't too sure about marriage in the past, but when he asked me everything just clicked. I had known his feelings on marriage from the very beginning and expected nothing from him, so when he proposed I knew he was real about us.

However, I was nervous as well. Now that we were getting married, whenever that would be, we had a limited time before shit was sure to hit the fan. Our relationship had been a secret from the very beginning and aside from our close friends and family, nobody knew about us. That was for a myriad of reasons, one of them exemplified earlier in the day-- it was easier and safer for the both of us if people didn't know. This ring might not give me away, as it wasn't the typical engagement ring, but if Zak started wearing one, we were dead. Either we had to field questions from curious people, or make an announcement, both of which were equally terrifying. Most of our fans were really lovely and I'm sure that they would be supportive, but there was a small number of them that felt like they had some sort of agency over our lives. Those were the ones that scared me, that we had to watch out for. There was no telling what some crazy person would do when they felt that their nonexistent chance with either of us had been dashed by our relationship.

"Sleep, Als." Zak stirred and mumbled as he threw his arm over my waist and rested his head in the crook of my neck. I shifted so I could put my hand in his hair and brush through it.

"Just thinking. Shhh." Soon enough he had gone back to sleep. I put my thoughts to bed and succumbed to the sleep I so desperately needed.

__

The next morning saw me confined in bed-- not in the way I would've liked. I was immeasurably happy, but also incredibly sick.

Withdrawal wasn't a good feeling, and combined with lifelong depression and fairly recent grief, it was the worst. Zak noticed as soon as he got up that the day wasn't going far. It had happened a couple of times since the bender of a few weeks ago, and he was as understanding as he could be. By the time that we had met I was over it, so he never experienced what I was like.

He laid beside me and rubbed my back, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"It's okay baby, you're gonna get through."

I knew that I would, but it was hell right that second. I turned and pushed himself into his chest and cried for a while.

It was hard not to think about difficult stuff when thinking about a wedding. How, even though I never really knew them, my parents wouldn't get to see me married. Neither would my brother, who i regarded as my father. I missed him like crazy, and it hurt to know that he wasn't going to walk me down the aisle.

"I know it's hard because he's not here, but he would be so proud of you, so happy for you."

"No. He would be so fucking disappointed in me, Zak. He tried so hard and gave up so much of his life to raise me and to help me out of this the first time. He would be so angry that I did this again."

"He wouldn't. He knew how hard this was for you, how much it bug you for probably the rest of your life, and he would be so goddamn proud of you for handling it again, especially after everything the last few months. Don't beat yourself up baby, you need to be as positive as possible. We'll get through this."

"I'm sorry. It's just really hard sometimes."

"I know, but I'm here and I love you. You can do it Mary Alli." He kissed my cheek and nuzzled his face into me. "Go back to sleep, it might help."

The day ended on a much more positive note, Zak getting em out of bed and taking me to see the sites. Focusing on the positive did help-- In time, I was going to be married to my best friend, my partner, who I loved eternally. Nothing could stop us-- we'd been through the worst of it together (and even were still), and we still came out stronger than ever. If anybody could do this, it was us. It could only go up from here.