Dressed In Black

Stability

Lily came rushing in, obviously just having woken up. I was frozen, unavailable, staring at whatever was in front of me with my mouth agape. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. My head couldn't wrap around it.

"Alli! Allison!" She crouched down to me and grabbed my hand as I felt hot tears drop on my face, trailing their way down. Time moved slow, lurching on. My phone was face up, Elisabeth still on the line. I couldn't move.

"Mary Allison!" She yelled again, throwing her arms around me, I lifted my arm to hold hers.

"Thank god. What's--" she saw my phone and looked from me to it, then slowly picked it up, releasing her hold on me. I just watched her, it was all I could do. I was in shock and my body was disagreeing with and refusing every command I sent to it.

"Hello?" I heard her say. I slowly turned to her, watching as her expression dropped into shock and she slapped her hand to cover her mouth.

"Please just hold on." she offered the phone to me and I shook my head violently, pushing it back toward her.

"I can't, Lilyanne." I pushed out, my voice sounding much weaker than just a few moments ago. My friend nodded her head, and I shifted to hug my knees.

Dead?

No. No way.

But she said it.

You haven't seen her in years.

So why would she call now?

It's just a shitty prank.

It's not, you know that.

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and threw my hands up to my head, covering my ears. If I didn't hold myself together, I was going to fall apart.

I realized Lily had been talking as I tried to calm my breathing before I had a fucking panic attack on my bedroom floor.

"Thank you. I'll let her know, I'm sorry for your loss." she slid her finger over the screen to hang the phone up and scooted over to me, covering my body with hers and squeezing me tight.

"I'm sorry, love. I'm so so sorry."

"This isn't real."

"I'm sorry." She repeated, holding me to her. I couldn't even manage a sob, though that was the only thing I wanted to do. I was numb and unfeeling, I felt so far away from anything corporeal.

"Call him please." I whispered, head still in hands. I needed him with me or I needed to talk to him, but my body was not working in my favor.

She picked his name from the list and gave him a call, putting the phone on speaker so I didn't have to hold it myself.

"Hey, babe. Good morning." I could hear the smile and sleep in his voice-- I'd woken him up.

"I'm sorry for waking you up- I'm um... I'm-" My words jumbled as I tried to say what I knew I couldn't.

"Alli? Are you okay?" He immediately sounded more awake, his tone and voice getting much louder.

"Can you come home?" I pushed out. I just wanted him there, with me. I needed him.

"What's going on?" I knew I couldn't answer without breaking down into tears. The realization was hitting me now. Frustrated and worried by my lack of response, he shouted. "Is Lily still there? Lily?" He called out and my friend took the phone as I finally started to sob.

"Lilyanne what's going on, is she okay?" He asked, a little forcefully.

"Zak. She needs you right now. Her sister just called, Liam uh-- he passed away this morning." Hearing it again shot me down to the floor. I was laying there in Lily's lap just letting my tears roll, trying to listen.