The Spawns

The Spawns | Chapter XXVII -- The Little Moments

"For as long as I can remember," I admitted.

"Alright, so it's not a new fresh thing that you absolutely need to get into because if you don't you'll suddenly lose interest. It's the real deal."

"I guess..." I trailed.

Nikki kind of groaned in exasperation and slapped my arm. "Stop being like this. You love him, he loves you. Fine, that's good. Don't take this the wrong way though, but your life is worth so much more than just getting together with Cole. The guy is swell, but you should be expecting more out of life than just dating a guy."

"Doesn't life work that way though? You get with the guy and then everything sort of works out." It was kind of how it had worked for my parents.

"Please, that's bull. Getting together with Cole isn't what should be important for you. Figuring out you should be more important. You shouldn't be dating anyone if you have no clue who you are and what you want. You're young, I'm young. Cole is young. We're all young here. What's the rush? Really? Why is it important to get together with Cole right away, right now? Because your hormones are kicking up and telling you that you need to find a suitable mate to keep the Eaton-Grayson line strong?"

I chuckled at that. "I guess you're right."

"Oh, there's no guessing here. I'm totally right."

"Yeah," I admitted. It was difficult to argue with my cousin when she made this much sense.

"See? Wasn't so hard to admit, now was it?" she teased.

"What am I supposed to do now?" I asked.

"You apologize to Cole, you tell him you didn't mean the whole blow out, but that you do believe that getting together right now would be too soon and that you need time to figure yourself out. I mean, you are kind of jailbait right now."

"Dakota said the same thing," I mumbled

Nikki snorted. "Dakota's a felon, she would know. Anyway, call the guy, apologize, but stop trying to rush things. If Cole loves you, he'll wait."

"Alright."

"Good cousin. Now call him." She pushed my shoulder, towards where purse with my phone was.

"I think I should wait for him to call me first," I said. The prospect of calling Cole frightened me. I had no idea what I was supposed to say. Apologize, sure. But how? It was easy to speculate here because Nikki was so enthusiastic and made so much sense, but love and making sense rarely went hand in hand. Maybe Cole was truly done with me. I had sort of told him I was done with him after all.

"What are you doing? Trying to play hard to get? Come on. Just call the guy."

"Fine, I'll call him. But not right now. As you said, there's no rush. And hey, he should enjoy his road trip. And I should enjoy mine too."

"This isn't a road trip though," she pointed out.

True. "More like a therapy spa."

My cousin smiled. "Funny. I'll add therapist to the list of possible futures."

"What else is on the list?" I asked, happy for the change of subject.

"Bungee jumper instructor."

Out of all things... "Have you ever bungee jumped?"

"Oh no, never, but I love the movie Chasing Liberty, it's just the right amount of cheesy, and in that movie there's a group of people that are just travelling around Europe bungee jumping off bridges and it just seems nice."

"I like the travelling around part, the jumping off bridges, not so much."

"Yeah, I think the travelling part is the most appealing part for me too."

"I'd love to backpack around Europe. I've gone often with my parents, but I'd love to go on my own one day."

"See, figuring yourself out won't be so complicated. You're already doing it!"

"Am I?"

At that moment, sitting by the poolside I thought about the importance of the simple things. Growing up with my parents, it was easy to focus on the big things. My parents had big moments. They had big turning points in their lives. It was like everything they did, every thing that happened to them was always monumental. But I never really stopped to think about the little moments and the little decisions that also shaped their lives.

As enthusiastic as Nikki was about my future relationship with Cole I still had many doubts about its legitimacy.

The kiss at the end of the movie was the big moment. But if the kiss at the end was the only good thing in the movie, it couldn't be a good movie.

Maybe one day ending up with Cole could be my big moment. But it would not make my life a good life.

I had to do that on my own, one little moment at a time.