I love you, I love you not

The Show Must Go On

I tore my eyes away and started running towards my house, tears streaming down my face. I knew it, I thought, Guys are dipwads and I was stupid to believe otherwise. I didn't really know why it hurt so much, I mean, I'd only been going out with him for one week, I just know it did. I streaked down the street, not even stopping to check for cars before crossing. I felt like my heart had been ripped out and everything inside me was caving in. I didn't understand why this would happen or how he could do this to me. I thought again of that day on the beach, him holding me in his arms as the sun set before us, me fitting perfectly with his body, the muscles of his arms strong and reassuring.

When I got home I went straight to my room, locking the door behind me. I fell onto my bed and let the sadness consume me. I cried over Joey, but I also cried over the fact that this would probably ruin the band. Mostly though, I cried for my father, for the fact that he couldn't be here to comfort me, or tell me that I was too good for Joey, or even pathetically threaten to beat him up for breaking my heart. After what seemed like forever, my tears dried up enough that I could see again, so I walked over to my window and looked up at the sky.

"Daddy" I whispered, "you know how you used to say that you would beat up any guy who ever tried to hurt your baby girl? Does that still apply...?"

A light breeze blowing through the tree outside my window was my only response. I sighed deeply and lay back down on my bed. I continued to stare up at the ceiling but I was no longer enveloped with sadness. Instead, my sadness had turned into anger. How dare Joey do this to me? Why do I even need him anyways? He's not even worth my time! I rolled off my bed and was headed towards the door when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and stopped. I was a wreck, my eyes were red and puffy, my hair matted and tangled and my nose looked like it belonged to Rudolph. I sighed and rubbed my forehead. How was  supposed to preform tonight? Would we have to call it off?

Just then there was a sharp knocking on the front door. I ran downstairs and into the front hall, trying to wipe my eyes and untangle my hair along the way. I took a deep breath before swinging the door open and looked up.

"Hey Persy... I think we should talk" Alec said.

***

"I know, I know, you're upset with Joey and I wish I could give you a logical explanation for it but I honestly don't know what happened, just what people have told me" Alec sighed.

"So, then, why are you here?" I asked.

We sat on my couch in the living room staring at each other. I realized that I probably still looked like crap but I didn't care, I was hoping it would make him leave me alone.

"I was hoping to convince to still preform the show tonight. I mean, we need you, otherwise.... we're going to suck."

"Look, as sweet as that comment was... I can't. I mean, it was bad enough when it was just stage fright I was dealing with but this? I just can't handle it..." I looked at the ground.

"Wait a minute though, aren't you just giving Joey satisfaction by not going? You should go and prove to him that you're better than that and you aren't going to take that crap from him!"

"Alec, it's not that simple. Anyways, I'm still not completely over my stage fright."

"What do you mean? You were great at rehearsal!"

"Yeah but that was only in front of a few people... I can't handle singing in front of crowds! Not after what happened!" I could feel my anger rising and my voice rose with it. Alec wasn't too far behind.

"Well what the hell happened that was so bad that you can't even handle singing in front of a crowd anymore?!" he yelled.

"My dad dying okay? There are you happy now that you know?" I cried. I suddenly felt sick and out of breath. I brought my hands up and buried my face in them.

"Oh my god... Persy, I- I'm so sorry" his voice was barely audible now and his hand was absently rubbing up and down my arm, as if to comfort me.

"It's okay.. it's not your fault. It was years ago that it happened, but I still remember it perfectly. I'd been preforming at my school talent show and my dad had also been preforming in Chicago that day with his band. They were on the highway when a trucker fell asleep at the wheel. He hit the tour bus and sent them flying off the road... the truck was filled with gasoline so the second they landed both vehicles..." I coudn't get the last part out. I could still remember watching it on the news that day, seeing the explosion, but not believing that it could be my daddy inside the bus. I'd had horrible nightmares about his charred, melted face. I shuddered involuntarily now as I thought about it.

"I.... you shouldn't have to play the show. I'm so sorry. I can just leave you alone now, I... shouldn't have ever bothered you" Alec's head hung low.

"No... you're right... I should still play, to show Joey that he hasn't gotten the best of me" I replied.

"Are you... sure about this? Cause seriously... I'll understand."

"Yeah, I'm sure" I said although my stomach flip flopped at the idea of seeing Joey again AND singing in front of a large crowd. So, while Alec waited in the living room, I quickly changed into the cutest thing I could find- which happened to be from my moms closet-, straightened y hair, and even threw on a little make up (if I was going to show Joey that I didn't need him I'd better look good doing it) and then headed downstairs. Then Alec and I hopped into his car and headed off towards The Peg.

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Hey so since I had been gone so long I thought you guys deserved a longerish (I hope) chapter. Remember to keep sending in your entries for the "What happened during B.Y.B's first rehearsal with Persy" writing contest and hopefully I'll be able to pick a winner soon :) Anyways, until next time readers!