TOY SOLDIER [IX] ▸ Poe Dameron

CHAPTER FOURTEEN [XIV]

WE LAID LIKE THAT FOR A WHILE, MY HEAD ON THE PRINCESS' LAP, ONE OF HER DELICATE HANDS KEEPING PRESSURE ON THE RECOVERING WOUND, HER OTHER HANDS' FINGERS ABSENTMINDEDLY INTERTWINED WITH MY DARK CURLS. I don't even think she realized she was doing it. She'd probably kill me if I mentioned it and made her realize. We were next to the fire, reclined against the rock, soaking up the heat for our tired, aching bodies, watching as the stars rose in the sky. The rainstorm picked up, creating a calming symphony droning on the rocks that hung over our heads. Gorgeous. In all of my journeys and adventures all across the galaxy, never had I experienced a feeling as nice as this.

When she spoke, she spoke so softly in that soft voice that I knew. It was so breathless that I barely heard the words that left her mouth.

"When the rain clears to a light drizzle in the morning," she mused, "we should be able to get a clear view of the city. We can get into disguise then and scope out a way to get into Doria."

"Do you ever stop thinking about that?"

"What else is there to think about?" Alya grinned sheepishly. "I bet you have so many stories about the Resistance that you barely have room in your brain to think about anything else." She shifted from underneath me, murmuring and asking if I was okay if she moved. I nodded and sat up, holding the fabric to my neck. As much as I hated to admit it, I found myself missing the absence of her fingers in my hair and the feeling of her body next to mine. No, Dameron, you're being stupid. I told myself, and forced the thought to float from my mind, dismissing it entirely.

"Well, yeah," I said offhandedly, my eyes shifting to watch her scoot a little ways away in a more comfortable position. "I'm not going to lie, the Resistance is my life. It's been my entire life up to this point."

Alya yawned and stretched her limbs in a lazy, catlike motion. "I'm jealous," she murmured. "I wish I could have the freedom you have, going across the galaxy and exploring."

"You soon will,"

"You think?"

My gaze fell to the floor. No, I wasn't sure in that. I couldn't lie to her. I was a horrible liar, anyway. So I just scratched my head, opting to remain silent. But regardless, she found an answer in my silence. I could tell by the way she shifted uncomfortably.

"Poe, can you tell me some of those stories?"

I stared at her, dry-mouthed and at a loss for words. We made eye contact, but her gaze didn't falter. She was certain. The look in her eyes was sad, almost, like she knew she might not ever get that chance, that freedom. Even despite the passionate spark within her and the desperate, blind hope that I once called foolish, it was like Alya knew deep down that there was a chance she may not make it out alive. That she may still fail after all has been said and done.

"Yeah," I managed, swallowing hard. "if you want."

The girl had curled up against her sleeping pack, her eyes half-lidded with drowsiness as she nodded.

I began to tell the tales of the Resistance, the missions that had succeeded, the ones that had ended with a surprising twist, the ones that failed. Alya asked questions about everything; she couldn't get enough of my stories. To her, they were books she hadn't read yet. She drunk in all of the information I gave her, from the far-off, distant planets, to the unique aliens, and to the explosive battles in space. Alya's eyes were sparked with intrigue at first, but I could sense that the girl was growing tired. I watched as her eyes slowly fluttered shut, and even though she assured me, "No, no, go on, I'm still listening, I'm still listening, don't worry,", moments later I still found her soundly asleep. It's not like I took it as an insult to my storytelling. I mean, after all, she hadn't slept the night before. The young princess needed it. So I took the first shift, pressing the blood-sopped cloth to my neck and looking out beyond the rainstorm for danger.

I was lost in my thoughts that night on the first shift, thinking of things I shouldn't be worrying about, pushing things further and further down just like I always did. Leia had told me many times before that it was unhealthy. She'd advise in that wise voice of hers for me to seek help, that there was no shame in it, and that she was always open to talk. So sweet, with good intentions, but ultimately, effort wasted. I was beyond grateful for the general, truly, don't get me wrong. Leia had been a mother to me when my own mother was not able to, but even after all she has done for me, I've never been able to bring myself to open up to her that way.

Besides, she has more important things to worry about than my issues.

I felt wetness suddenly drip down my cheek. My brow knit in confusion, a hand reaching up and feeling the moisture. My mind began to spin. It began kicking my over thinking into high gear, and I could feel the panic setting in, but a sudden noise thankfully brought me back to reality.
A soft stirring, a groaning exhale from Alya, curled up in the corner. She was turning in her sleep. I hoped she wasn't being tormented by dreams like I was. And luckily for me, she wasn't. I drew closer and upon closer inspection, I found her to be shaking from the cold. Not a good thing, but a better alternative to a night terror.

I swiftly removed my jacket and wrapped it around her.

"Mmh?" came a noise as my movement stirred her further. She rolled over, lazily opening her big brown eyes and taking in my image. "Is it, is it my shift?" She mumbled.

"No, go back to sleep." I shushed her. "I'll keep watch tonight."

"But you're injured," She protested still, trying to rise. "I can do it, don't worry, I'm wide awake, see?" She lied, yawning. "You need to get some rest, too, you know."

Instead of replying, I just grabbed her shoulders and gently eased her back down. When I drew closer to her, her eyes widened more and she froze. I knew instantly what she had seen on my face in the glow of the night and the fire. I tensed up, already knowing that backlash and jeers were to come. I didn't want to deal with that, not tonight, but I was certain she would open her sharp mouth- of course she would, I thought. I expected her to tease me about this for ages, she'd love any chance to ridicule me, especially for something as pitiful as I was in that moment.

But she was silent, she submitted, and she laid back down. She didn't mention the dried tear track on my face that I knew was obvious.

"This is your jacket?" In confusion, she asked instead.

"Keep it," I murmured, tucking it around her. "You need it more than I do. Go back to sleep."

Alya softened for a moment, looking at me the way I had only seen her look at her grandmother. Something changed in her face. Sadly, I only saw it for a fleeting moment. The girl shifted away from me and sighed, wanting to resist the exhaustion, but the lull of sleep was too strong. She grasped the edges of my jacket tighter around her and fell quickly asleep.

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A/N: don't forget to show the author some love! :))
ALSO!! important news announcement because i have a new updating schedule planned for this book! a new chapter will be published every other day, tuesday, thursday, and saturday. if for whatever reason i am unable to post then, be sure to follow me for updates and i'll be sure to post the reasons to my profile and keep y'all in the loop. thanks guys!
xx Natalie