Our Flawed Little Infinity

Chapter 5: The Noose

Her feelings for the boy holding her hand slipped away and overtime so did he. Her subconscious stirred at the thought of the other boy, more like the other man, the one she couldn't have. Meanwhile the play progressed and their characters grew from barely developed wisps to a seven layer dip of feeling and thought and character. At last it was dress rehearsal time and he began to talk to her, be friendly and even smile at her in the halls. It was amazing but there was also a low deep ache. Becoming closer to him had made her realize that even though he was closer, he was just as unreachable. this friendship was a noose around her neck, and the closer he pulled her the more it hurt. His character was a man, a man in love with a woman, a woman he intended to marry. At the end, there was a kiss and he refused to kiss the woman. She wondered that if she had played the woman would he be willing to kiss? She had no idea. She doubted it.

Her sister was sleep walking now. She pondered that thought but her step mom had mentioned that they had found a chair in the middle of the kitchen with a rope tied to it, so she suspected that her sister had been up at night trying to hang herself. It scared her how oblivious her parents were, and it scared her to leave her little sister with them when they didn't understand how to recognize the warning signs, the red flags she was waving in their faces for help. They were good parents but they just didn't understand suicide and depression like she did. She saw every dangerous thing that her little sister did, she understood exactly how she felt about seeing how she could hurt herself with everything. It's everywhere and it can overtake your eyes, make that be all you see. It's like a constant reminder of your sadness and every reason you've ever rationalized killing yourself, to yourself, to others. She relived that moment when she was running for the door every night, the image of her baby trying to kill herself, the exacto knife to her wrist, the scream she heard behind her as she ran for the door, her sister crying and screaming to just let her do it, and all those times there was an incident that ended with her big sister and brother saving the day and her in a wretched heap at the top of the stairs, sobbing and screaming to let her go. She relived those moments every second there was quiet, every time she let her mind wander. But she would never let anybody see.