silence. [a YoonMin Fic]

Chapter 1

Only you've never experienced failure or frustration of this kind before, have you? Forget being embarrassed in public and whatnot, you tore his heart out and stomped on it! And you did the same with your heart in the process.

'We are still young and immature, don't even worry about it
Moss surely grows on a stone that doesn't roll
If you can't return, go straight through your mistakes and forget them all
NEVER MIND it's not easy but engrave it onto your chest
If you feel like you're going to crash then accelerate more, you idiot'

At least no one can say you didn't take your own advice, huh? You definitely went and screwed this one up royally, didn't you?

Too many thoughts were swirling through Yoongi's head, threatening to make his head explode.

Why? Why does it have to be like this? Why couldn't everything just cease to exist, except for the two of them? Why did Yoongi have to be such a hypocrite? Such a big goddamn coward???

Tears were flooding his eyes by now. His lower lip quivered and the pain in his chest suddenly became even more unbearable. A black hole had opened there over the past few days. It hurt, it burnt its presence deep into Yoongi's being, relentless, seemingly ready to swallow him whole along with all his pain. Only that would never happen. The pain just refused to go away. Or even subside. No. Not one god damned bit. And part of him knew he deserved it. That this was probably nothing compared to what Jimin was going through. And that's why part of him endured, refused to give, but took all of that pain head on. But Yoongi couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs. Then and there.

Yoongi wouldn't be able to put into words for grateful he was when he heard Hoseok to his right, behind him, starting to rap as he and the other members flooded the stage, singing the last third of the song. Because that was when Yoongi realised he didn't have it in him to see this through just now. So he ran. Of course. He dashed off the stage, tossing his microphone to one of the staff members as he ran past them.

Concert be damned. He just wanted to say he was sorry. That he didn't mean for any of this to happen the way it did.

But it did happen the way it did, so what's the point?

Yoongi hadn't the foggiest idea what the point would be, but maybe apologising would ease his pain even a tiny bit. Maybe... maybe he could once more reach out to him. Admit his feelings this time. Face them, rather.

He was whizzing past people, down a long hallway, until he reached a door at the far end of the concert hall and burst through it. The cold air hit Yoongi in the face like a brick wall, but he welcomed it. He inhaled deeply, trying to take in his surroundings through tear-filled eyes.

Luckily the area seemed deserted. After catching his breath slightly, he started to run again.

Yoongi ran as fast as he could. Perhaps some part of him still believed that if he ran fast enough and far enough all of this would just go away. He would be rid of his feelings for Jimin. He could erase all the stupid, stupid things he'd done. He could go back and not hurt him in the terrible way that he did. Alas, he knew deep down, that running wouldn't solve anything. Not this time.

-

It all started out as a sort of accident.

The boys had their hands full with their comeback and a world tour ahead of them. Amongst others, this included a number of difficult choreographies to go with their upcoming singles.

Because why the hell not?

Despite being a decent dancer, Yoongi just couldn't find it in himself to always muster up the energy needed for all their rehearsals. He'd perform the moves correctly and all, but would be scolded for not 'getting into it' more. Yoongi tried to do that. He seriously did. The thing however was this – he needed to get himself in a certain zone if he was ever to 'let loose', 'get into things', or what have you. This wasn't so easy when he knew he was constantly being watched for any slip-ups, mistakes and the like. Not when it came to dancing. In moments like those Yoongi would just focus on staying in sync and executing all his moves just right. Ironically, he was thinking too much about what he was supposed to be doing and, from a certain point onwards, this became detrimental to his performance.
Yoongi needed a certain space, a certain atmosphere in which he would feel safe and then he could let go a bit and just have fun with what he was doing. Before concerts he would just remind himself not to look out beyond the stage, into the darkness where he knew the crowd stood, that he couldn't see all the people out there anyways (thank whoever's up there for all the bright light shining on the seven of them); that the music was going to be so loud he could lose himself in it. That was it - the music. He would just let the music blaring through massive speakers on either side of the stage flood his entire being. He would succumb to it, let it wrap him in a little bubble where he was safe. Then he could let loose. Then, for a short while, he felt safe, confident, and was able to deliver a great performance. Ironically, it was when he felt small in comparison to something so big as the wave of music and roaring of the fans that he could just let go. Even if just for a little while.