silence. [a YoonMin Fic]

Chapter 1

Ok, come on, just a bit more to go and we'll be done. We'll be done and then we can just go home.

Or rather, everyone else could go home if they wanted to, as truthfully, Yoongi just felt like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die already.

He stood in the middle of the stage, darkness surrounding him. As the stage lights slowly revealed his small frame to the fans underneath, he let out a cough, a tad more anaemic than it should be. The crowd didn't seem to be bothered by it. Yoongi willed himself to march on.

'I only look forward and run'

Yep, running's exactly what you've been doing lately.

'Without having time to look around
Without me noticing –'

Yeah, without noticing one fucking thing, you idiot! Actually, scratch that, you DID notice. Oooh, you knew all along what you were doing, but you're just a scared little shit who can't deal with his feelings.

Yoongi's voice suddenly breaks. But the instrumental goes on. He has to go on. He swallows, trying desperately to push down the lump in his throat. But the lump stays there still, along with the searing pain he feels in his chest. They suffocate him.

'And I have succeeded to some extent' he stammers, trying to keep the pacing of the song.

'The time we call puberty
I think of it suddenly
At that time I was young
And had nothing to fear
A few times defeated isn't much
If there's anything that's different it's my height'

Just slightly taller than him. Just enough so he could endlessly tease him about it, while at the same time be able to lean in at a perfect angle for them to kiss.

'A-and also being a bit more mature for my age'

Mature, my ass.

His voice wavered, lips trembling.

Deep breaths. Come on!

'From the underground workplace in NamSanDong
My beat has been laid out until Apgujeong'

Yoongi was really struggling to keep up with the pace of the song by now, his words becoming muffled. But he had to go on. He had to. They were in the middle of a concert, for fuck's sake. The band needed him. The fans needed him. He took a deep breath and pushed on.

'The origin of youth
Everyone said it, don't go overboard
If you act as if you're a know-it-all and will be making music
You will make your home go broke
From that point onwards, I didn't care
No matter what anyone said
I only lived how I wanted, guided by only my beliefs
In your eyes, how do you think I'm doing right now?'

This is where you're supposed to laugh sarcastically, you know.

But Yoongi could barely squeeze out a faint chuckle.

He could feel the puzzled and worried looks most of his bandmates were giving him from the back area of the stage, still shrouded in darkness. But most of all, he could sense, see even in the split second that it took him to glace behind, that Jimin was there, looking into the distance and Yoongi knew that he was hurting just as much. No, for Jimin it was probably even worse. Yoongi had made sure of that.

'How do you think I am?
I want to ask the several people who prayed for me to screw up
Does it seem like my home is going broke, you bastards?
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK'

Yeah, you didn't give a flying fuck about anything did you? Forget your sorry ass, what about HIM?!

'Like I always said hundreds of times every day, "Never mind me"
I can have a taste of failure and frustration and bow my head'