your whispers are voiceless

Mirrors

Niall nods, pressing himself further into Liam's chest. Cool beads of water fall on his neck and cheeks from Liam's damp hair. "Yeah. I'm okay."

"You sure?" Liam presses, dropping a kiss at the back of his neck where the balls of his spine jut out, and he shudders. Immediately knows Liam is up to him and won't let go of the subject until he tells him what's bothering him. Because he's Liam like that. Always seeing past Niall's walls. "You can tell me, babe. Anything. You know that, right?" he murmurs. "Absolutely anything." 

Niall shrugs. "I don't know, really," because he doesn't, truthfully. Liam haunches over and digs his chin into the space where Niall's shoulder and neck meet, the pressure alleviating. Through the mirror Niall knows this look: tell-me-what's-wrong-and-I'll-help-you. And again this wave of surrealness washes over him and drowns him knee-deep, like his kneecaps have been filled with air. "It's just that, sometimes I feel like, you know..." He doesn't. "Just, why me, Liam? Why did you choose me?" 

Liam frowns at this, tightening his hold around Niall's waist so there's not even a sheet of air (or fabric)  that's separating them. "What do you mean? Of course I chose you. Who else would I choose?" 

Niall snorts. "Your model ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend and, oh I don't know, practically anybody you want?" He sighs, looking at their reflection through the smooth, body-length sheet of glass that stands beside their bed. The contrast is so painfully clear, really: Liam and Niall. Opposites. Perfect and flawed. A Greek god and, well, a mortal. And Niall would run through a long list of stark comparisons but he's already boring and bland as he is right now, with his flaws laid out and highlighted by how angelic Liam looks compared to him, and he really doesn't want to bore Liam by thinking too much into this. Maybe tonight he'll continue.

"I have nothing to offer you, Liam," he says, finally, when the silence stretches over them. "Why me? Why can't you have picked somebody you used to date because I'm pretty sure they'd outrank me no matter who you pick." 

There's a pause. "Niall, look at me," Liam says. Since Liam doesn't unlock his arms around him he guesses he wants to look at him through the mirror. So he does. And he notices how Liam's eyes are intent, focused, like he wants this to work. Niall doesn't know exactly what he wants to work, but he doesn't mind. Yeah. He probably trusts Liam a little too much. "Repeat after me, okay, babe?" he whispers into his ear, pressing a kiss there. 

"Why?" 

"Just do it, babe. Ready?"

"Uh..." Niall hangs on the syllable, like he's about to say no, but then nods. "Okay." 

Liam cracks a smile. "I, Niall James Horan..." 

"I, Niall James Horan?" It ends up as a question because he isn't sure if he's interrupting Liam. Or where this is going. 

"No. You've got to be firm on this, babe. Firm." 

Niall breathes. Molding his words as hard and as confidently as he could. For Liam. "I, Niall James Horan." 

"Good, okay." Liam's smile carves deeper into his cheeks. "Of Mullingar, Ireland." 

"Of Mullingar, Ireland." 

"Don't give a fuck of what people think of me." 

Niall laughs a little. "Don't give a fuck of what people think of me."

"My insecurities are brave to have challenged me. I can overpower them because I'm strong, and amazing, and I have the hottest boyfriend out there," this gets Liam an elbow to the stomach, which he responds to with a breathless laugh that brushes across Niall's ear and makes his insides tingle, "who loves him so, so much and will do anything in his power to protect him." He whispers the last part, and Niall's stomach feels like it's churning in a feathery, lighweight void. His breath stutters. His heart drops into a pause and sets out into a wild, erratic pattern that has his adrenaline running: this is his favorite kind of high. 

"Uhh..." he whispers. "I-I kind of forgot what I was supposed to say." 

Liam laughs, into his hair this time. "I forgot, too. But I do know that you're beautiful. And I chose you because you're crazy in bed."

"Liam."

"I meant while you're sleeping," he laughs, his bare chest rumbling through Niall's back. "I chose you because you love playing the guitar before you work on your papers. Because you like curling up in the couch more than in bed when it's raining. Because you'd prefer watching Phineas and Ferb over good old porn. Because you don't care when I mess your hair up even if you've just finished fixing it up into a quiff. I like your ruffled hair better, by the way," he comments, drawing idle circles with his thumb on Niall's tummy and he doesn't know, does he? Doesn't know how his words and his actions and his eyes softly, fondly looking into Niall's through the glass are too much and it feels like he can't breathe, but like he can live like this, his airways clogged up by how much this boy behind him and around him and in front of him and literally everywhere in his mind is affecting him.

"I can go on forever, babe; I don't want to bore you. But let me just say I love everything you do and everything you are, every last bit from the way you curl your toes over mine while we're cuddling and the way you'll blink at me stupidly when I say a joke that you don't get. I love you so much, Niall." 

"I love you too." Niall feels like he's choking on the words, and he hopes he's got his message across because he really can't talk much right now. 

Liam nods, smiling, nipping playfully at the skin on Niall's neck. "I, Niall Horan," he whispers. 

Swallowing some, Niall nods because he gets it. He just doesn't know what but he does, as if something just clicked and something feels right. Perfect. "I, Niall Horan." His voice is like static. Hoarse. 

"Believe in myself and that I am enough, if not more, for what people expect me to be. If they don't think so they should fvck off." 

He grins, laughing some. "Believe in myself and that I am enough, if not more, for what people expect me to be. If they don't think so they should fvck off." 

"And that my boyfriend will murder whoever touches me, even if they so much as wink in my direction."

"Liam." 

Liam laughs.