Decrepit///Ben Parish

Chapter 15

The month that I've been here has gone by faster than I expected.

My mom used to say that all the good stuff goes by fast, I guess time in hell goes fast too. After I excepted the fact that I'm stuck here, and I have to become something I'm not, I kind of ignore the squad now. I'm quiet, I let Flintstone be his annoying ass with no bitchy remarks. Well sometimes I just can't help but say something to him.

I've even been ignoring Zombie. What ever friendship we had in the first two weeks has become one-sided. I slowly started phasing him out. I haven't started a conversation with him in two weeks, it's always him coming to me.

Dumbo and I don't joke around anymore. His smart ass still attempts to keep me in line. I still give Poundcake and Oompa my leftovers at every meal.

I haven't attempted to stand up to Reznik, I know I'm never going to get out of this place, I might as well shut up and do what I have to do. I try not to think about what life was like before this, all it does is make me sad. It's never going to be like that again.

Nothing in my life will ever be normal again.

It's been hard to ignore my squad. These idiots are the only people I have in this shit world, but I don't want to get attached to anyone. It will only make everything worse in my life, and they bring out Scarlett to easy. That's the main reason why I ignore them. I don't hate them as much as I want to. Its weird to be surrounded by several people but still feel like I'm at that gas station again. I always hated the feeling of being lonely.

This whole day has been really tense. We are at the bottom of the barrel now. There is no way that we will be able to get out of the hole we've dug for ourselves. It's finally starting to sink in, it feels like we will ever get out of here now.

Right now we have personal time, which can be the easiest or hardest time of the day to ignore my fellow members of squad 53. The guys always try to pull me into a game of cards, Teacup asks me to do her hair, or Zombie tries to pull me into  conversation. Sometimes it's hard to say no to a card game because it gives me a sense of normality in a way. I would rather train with Reznik into the night then have to say no to Zombie's dulling eyes. But I have to. Enigma doesn't let anyone in.

I'm sitting on my bunk, pretending to clean my shoes so everyone will leave me alone. Someone sits down next to me on my bed, I don't even have to look up to know who it is.

"Hey Enigma, can I talk to you for a second?" Zombie asks. I give a small nod without looking up.

"First I just wanted to ask if you're okay. You've been acting a little," he pauses for a little too long, "I don't know just different. You haven't been really talking to me at all."

"I'm talking to you right now," I say with sass.

"Hey," he lays his large hand on my forearm, "look at me." Dammit. All I needed to do was avoid the eyes. I let out a deep sigh and slowly look up into his gorgeous eyes.

"Are you okay Enigma?" he asks sweetly.

"I'm fine," I can feel my eyes glaze over slightly. I hate it when you're fine until someone asks if you are.

Zombie must see something in my eyes because he gently pulls me into his arms. I don't push him away, but I don't hug back either. I close my eyes and savor the hug. I have to admit his arms feel better than I would have thought. He pulls away too soon.

He gives me a lopsided smile, "Well, I'm glad that your okay. I also wanted to tell you that after I saw the rankings this morning, I came up with the idea that we should do some extra training during personal time. I planned on asking Reznik during Q & A tomorrow, I wanted to ask what you thought about it. Would you be down to train more?"

"Hmm, I think that's a really good idea, Zombie. You should ask Reznik tomorrow. I think he would like the idea," I try not to smile at him.

"Great! I'll talk to you later, Private," he jokes. He stands up and starts walking towards where the guys are sitting, but not before he gives me a full blown smile, which for some odd reason makes me blush.

Well fuck.

******

Hi guys! I hope everyone had great holidays. Did you watch the NYE countdown in times square? I have never been because oh my is there so many people. It's just crazy busy throughout the whole city.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I am really going to try to start writing more.

Love you guys!