That One Summer 《 Vmin 》

Chapter 53

Am I sick? Is something wrong with me, with my body, with my state of mind? I don't think I'm physically sick, the symptoms are similar, but it feels much deeper than that. The pain is somewhere unreachable, and I'm not sure there's a cure for it. I feel that the coding in my dna is messed up somewhere, that seems like the only way to explain this internal disorder. Somewhere inside, I'm a sick boy.

Sexual. I'm a boy, I'm sure of that, so why does my father treat me like less than that? Why does he say I'm less than that? Is it wrong to like Taehyung, because he acted like I just murdered his son when he saw me with him. Like the boy he raised just died, and all that was left was his unwanted corpse. He had told me if I didn't stop whatever experiment I was doing with Taehyung, he'd disown me. I didn't want that to happen. I was already heartbroken for disappointing him; for him to not call me his own son, that would surely kill me.

But now I'm not so sure of what'll hurt more, to be disowned from my father or never experience the happiness taehyung offers to me.

"How are you feeling Jimin?" My mother finally asks carefully, deciding that I had enough time to think about it. I know she cares, and she loves me with all her being, but I also wonder how she'll react if she knew about my relationship with Taehyung. Would she also hate me, or disown me? Will I disappoint her like I did my dad, even though she said she'll always be proud of me. Of what she brought into the world.

I lean my head back against the car's icy window. The little bumps unsteady like how my entire life feels. The dark caress me better than the sun can ever do for me at the moment. The question lingers like an airborne virus to me, toxic and unwanted. How do I feel? How do I really feel?

I feel empty.

—-

Before I know it I'm in the waiting room doing what it was made for people to do. Waiting. The drive was so long it basically took half of the day away. The place was bright, a complete contrast from the dark car I arrived in. I didn't like it, I just wanted to wither in the darkness.

In the light people can see right through you like your translucent, by your actions and expressions, it's you being an open book. Right now I'm mess, and in the dark even if its an open book your trying to read, its too dark to see. Too bad they can see me.

The front attendant woman finally calls our names, and I just didn't want to be there, but I don't argue in going. The doctor and my mum exchange greetings, talking to each other about a couple of things.

I was in my own world of drowsiness and gloom, becoming upset when he called my name to get my attention. His says something to me that I didn't feel to listen too, and suddenly pulls out a picture of a girl with a big chest and a big butt.

"Wait what are you showing my kid," I catch my mother ask with disbelief behind me, most likely very surprised with what's happening. He looks at her with no expression really glazed on his features.

"Mam it's part of the procedure that your husband sent to me through email."

She looks confused and upset, not sure what to do. Her phone is suddenly in her hand as she dials a number, excusing herself as she walks out into the hallway. She closes the door a little too harshly, an awkward little silence taking place after the loud slam. My eyes linger there.

But the doctor clears his throat to acquire my attention again, holding up the photo once more. "Now Jimin, do you feel weird? Like does you body tingle when you see this, or feel strange in a specific place I should ask"

I watch carefully, honestly not sure of what I'm supposed to be looking for. I don't know what he means, because I literally feel nothing about it. It's just a person, I don't find her pretty, but I'm not saying she's ugly. Plus I don't understand why she's showing so much skin.