McPricely - Spooky Mormon Hell Dream

McKinley

~alternative ending~
TW: suicide, graphic description

So. Elder Connor McKinley was sat on his rickety bed in the tiny room he shared with his mission companion: Elder Poptarts. And he was going to kill himself.

He set down a note next to him, explaining everything, about his thoughts and his cowardice. He reached for the pill bottle and tore off the lid, pouring the contents into his hand. He tipped his head back, and stuffed the pills in his mouth. He grabbed the half-empty bottle of whiskey beside his bed and downed it's contents with the pills, then lay down and watched the world turn black around him.

Tears were flowing down his face as he choked on the spit and vomit that was threatening to close his airway entirely. Strangely, in these moments of utter agony, he felt at more at peace with himself than he'd ever been.

~

Kevin had just returned from a day in the village helping Dr Gotswana with his patients; helping people kept his mind busy and stopped him thinking obsessively about his problems.

He found himself outside of Connor and Poptarts' room and took a deep breath. He knew that Connor's mission would soon be over, so he would be leaving Uganda soon, and Kevin would be left behind to finish his mission. Kevin wanted to set some things straight with him before he left. There were some things that needed to be said before it was too late. He opened the door.

"Hey Elder McKinley, can I talk-" his voiced tailed off as he saw the mission leader sprawled out across his bed. Something wasn't right.

"E- Elder McKinley... Are you okay...?" Kevin asked as he slowly approaches his friend. He gently placed a hand on is shoulder and pushed so he rolled face-up.

"NO!"

He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Connor wasn't- Connor couldn't be-

"HELP! HELP HELP! SOMEONE, QUICK!" he screamed frantically, rushing to take Connor's pulse. Nothing.

"This- this has to be a nightmare... this can't be real..." he whispered as tears welled in his eyes.

Poptarts came rushing in, having heard his screams.
"Kevin, what's the matter? What's- oh god-" he turned as white as a sheet when he saw the scene in front of him.

"I- I'll call Gotswana.."

"Poptarts?"

"Yeah, Kevin?"

"He's gone."

"No... "

Poptarts backed out of the room, leaving Kevin alone.

Kevin dragged a hand across his face to wipe his sodden eyes and looked around, only to find a crumpled, tear-stained note.

He reached out a shaky hand and picked it up, flattening it out. He backed away from the bed until he hit a wall, and slid down it to the floor.

Dear Elders,
By the time you're reading this note, I'll be dead. Well, I guess you already know that, huh?

I'm sorry I'm such a coward, I'm sorry for everything. But, I'm.. I.. I like boys. And that's not okay. It's not how good Mormon boys should feel. I'm disgusting... And it's not just that. I'm a liar, I'm a bad person.

I don't deserve to live.

Poptarts: it was probably you who found me, and for that I apologise. You've been a great mission companion, and I'm so sorry. I appoint you mission leader from now on.

Elders: you're all wonderful Mormons, and even better friends. Thank you.

Finally, Kevin: I love you. I love you so damn much, and it hurts. I'm so so sorry. You never asked for my awful affections. It's not your fault, please, whatever you do, don't blame yourself. Heh, you probably hate me now that you know how I feel. How I felt.

I just wish that I could go to heaven. But that's impossible, isn't it?

Love, Connor.

Kevin closed his eyes as he clutched the note to his chest and sobbed.

"I'm so sorry Connor. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," he repeated in a frenzied mantra, his voice barely above a hoarse whisper.

~

Poptarts returned an hour later with Gotswana. Kevin just stared blankly as he examined Connor.

Poptarts looked hopefully at Gotswana, but he shook his head sadly, and went to pull a sheet over the body.

"NO! STOP!"

Kevin leapt up from the floor and grabbed Connor's lifeless hand.

"Y-you can't. Pl-please don-nt... no.." he blubbered, unwilling to let go.

Poptarts had to physically drag him out of the room, where he was pulled into Arnold's arms and held as he sobbed.

~

The day before Connor's funeral, the body of Kevin Price was found next to his, hands tangled together, with a simple note beside them.

I love you too, Connor. See you soon.
-Kevin

~

A/N okay so this was supposed to be like 500 words of alternative ending but ended up being this depressing monstrosity. Sorry, but better Connor in this than me in real life I guess.

Remember: Connor deserved to live and so do you. Please seek help if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts xx