My Niqab Story

1. A Glimpse Of My Past

"If it wasn't for our past, we wouldn't have this present, these qualities and the future. So make sure to cherish it."

Dark

That's exactly how I term my past. Even though I was in the brightest of spotlights, I still felt a dark void inside.

I'm currently 18 and I started changing when I was 16. I wasn't a lovable child which I think led to aggression. I was insecure and temperamental as a child but I was the exact opposite when I grew up.

I was the friendliest person I knew ( still am), the most optimistic person to ever have existed ( still am), okay that's a lot of exaggeration. Anyways, I loved people. I loved talking to them, hanging out with them, helping them, making them laugh and much more. I know I sound like an obsessed psycho but that's the way I was. I had a lot of friends, best friends. My relationships were perfect with everyone, in fact, people loved me too or at least that's what they showed.

You might be wondering what's so dark about all this, well, here comes the main part. I was a good human I guess or that's what I like to believe but I was never a good Muslim.

I did each and everything that, as a Muslim, I shouldn't have done. I never prayed regularly nor was I told to in an influential way.

As I grew up, I started wearing a lot of make up. Imagine a 14-15 year old walking around parties and weddings wearing as many tons of make up as the tons of meat blue whale eats per day. And that's not it, I used to carry this bag of all the 'necessities' I needed like the amount of make up smudged on my face wasn't enough. The reason why I did that was messed up cause I thought all the people around me are beautiful and I won't be the same as them until I take special aid from these products.

I used to take thousands of selfies per day as if seeing myself in the mirror wasn't enough. I used to talk to guys in an inappropriate way even though I was in an all girls school.

I used to hang out with my friends. You might think hanging out is normal but no, in my family and society, it's not normal. I used to lie to my parents on a number of occasions and my exceptionally supportive mother used to believe me. She thought I was smart and so what I used to think too.

The only thing from my past that I'm proud of and thankful to my parents for was learning Quran with Tajwid* cause a lot of people in my family don't know that. My mom made me go to a Madrassah* when I was young and even though it didn't really help me become a better Muslim in face I swear it even haunts me sometimes, it really did teach me something I'll forever be grateful for.

My mom always supported me. She always used to say that I God had gifted me with special talents and that she would never suppress them. Even though girls in our family don't usually receive high educations let alone do a job but my mom always encouraged me to study hard and work for our family. In this regard I'm very lucky and I wish all girls in my family had that freedom. Nonetheless, I had high grades to match my mother's high expectations.

Me and my best friend were inseparable. We were just like those typical best friends you know, tagging each other in memes, uploading pictures so we both could be the only ones talking in the comments, counting each and everyday of our friendship as if we'll actually stay friends forever, being partners in crime, doing every little sin together. I loved her, I still do. But Allah had a plan for me and that planned also involved her disappearing from my life. And indeed Allah is the best of planners.

A/N:
*Tajwid: The rules and regulation for pronunciation of Arabic language.
*Madrassah: An Islamic institute where they teach Quran and everything regarding Islam.

If I can I'll share stories about that madrassah and why, up till now I could never visit the people there again.

Ps, I hope I won't be getting an award for the most boring writer.