Let me start this off by saying one thing.. I don't do "New Year's resolutions." I think they're ridiculous because they're never followed through, so what's the point?
So this year I'm going to be the same depressed, funny-as-hell, sometimes-idiotic, "awesome" person that you'll all come to love (or not). I can't say it won't bother me if you don't like me, because it probably will, but I can pretend otherwise (something I'm usually pretty good at doing).
With all that being said; hi, my dear Diary...
I'm 20. I have a one year old son who is my best friend. I'm a single mom living with my own mom. Life sucks, right now, really:
I finished my Associates degree, which would be great if I had done it on time. And now I'm trying to find the right fit for a bachelors degree/ Masters program while already dealing with being $35k in debt;
My car sucks. It's a crappy $1300 one that I bought off a guy I used to know in grade school, because I was desperate to have a car and can't afford something nice. It's cold and my heater doesn't want to work, I need new tires, and it cosmetically looks awful;
I don't have a job, so I don't have money. All of my food and my son's food/necessities are paid for by my mom, which is a blessing and a curse. I love that she is willing and able to help out, but I want to be my own person and be able to provide for my own son. I don't want to rely on anyone else to get us through and I hate myself for needing help;
I'm in therapy, every other week, and I don't really think it's helping. I have to take my son with me because I can't pay for a sitter, and the whole time my counselor is mostly just focused on that cute-ass baby running around and getting into anything he can get his paws on;
I'm single (which is 99763902% better than being in my last relationship, but it still sucks);
I'm fat.
I could probably go on and on about all the crappy things going on right now.
The one good thing in my life is my son, even when he pisses me off. He's my whole world and then some. I just wish he'd sleep through the night and start listening a little better.
So right now things aren't the greatest. Maybe they'll get better. I've put in a bunch of applications over the holiday, so hopefully I'll get some leads. If I can work and save... eventually I'll be in my own place. And maybe even be able to get a better car.
Realistically, though, I think I'll be dependent on someone until I'm done with school. And even for a while after that because of all the debt I'll be in. I'm not sure if it's even worth it.
Right now.. if it weren't for my baby boy.. I think my life would be over. And even with him here, I kind of want it to be.
