It Was You

Chapter 7

When Monday came around, I wasn't sure how Ben and I were going to act. Were we to act like we do to each other everyday? Will there be hand holding? Cheek kissing? This is what I worried about all day Sunday and Monday morning. I always worry about the little things.

I didn't see Ben until home room and I hadn't told Aaron or Lee about our date yet because I wasn't sure if there was a 'keep it on the down low' rule. Well, apparently not because when he saw me, his smile lit up like a thousand suns and he took my hand, then kissed my cheek. I don't think I've seen Aaron or Lee so shocked.

"Hello there, beautiful," Ben greeted. I blushed from head to toe, then said, "Hey. Ready for class?" I was so lame, I couldn't handle it half the time. "Yes, very," he chuckled. We all walked in, Ben's hand still in mine, and sat down. I was almost thankful these tables were round because then he could still hold my hand.

Why was I like this?

Thankfully, our teacher was back so we were back to do nothing all period except talk. "You two better explain," Lee demanded. Or we could be interrogated. Ben looked down at me as he said, "We had a date on Saturday. It was perfect in every way and we have a date again on Friday."

I couldn't help my smile and looked to my two friends. "Friday?" Aaron asked. "But Friday, that's..." Reality suddenly hit me. Friday is our movie night! "Oh, shit, guys I'm sorry!" I told them. "Look, Ben and I can go out on Saturday." I looked to him for confirmation, to which he said, "Of course we can. Sorry, I wasn't thinking about anything other than the amazing night we had."

"Did you kiss?!" Aaron excitedly asked as he jumped up and down from his seat. "No," I told him. "I told him I wanted to take it slow and that's exactly what we're doing." Lee looked down at Ben and I's entwined hands. "Slow my ass," she said. "Look at you two!"

It's true, it looked like we were already together, but I enjoyed holding his hand. Call me crazy, but this was my action of showing how much I liked him, especially since I can't exactly do it emotionally. The great thing about it was, I think he understood that's what it meant.

"Well, we're not official and we haven't kissed...but give it another date or two and we'll see what happens," Ben told them. "In the meantime, we're testing our limits. Right, darling?" I nodded with a smile as I told him, "Right." This guy seriously couldn't be real.

During lunch, we drifted away from the topic of relationships and more into how this school year was going so far. Everyone seemed to be doing really great except for me. Truthfully, I never really put any effort into school. I always thought of it as how I'm not even going to make it to college, so why the effort?

Lunch ended sooner than it started and Ben left me with a lingering kiss on the cheek. How bad was it that I wanted to kiss him? I know I want to take it slow, but I'm not quite sure how slow I'll be able to take it. That's what I thought about for the rest of the day.

When school eventually ended, we all met up by our spot and walked home. "I will see you two lovebirds later," Lee teased as she walked up to her house. I rolled my eyes and shook my head with a small smile. "And I," Aaron announced, "am going with her because I don't feel like being a third wheel, so...bye!" He caught up with Lee and went inside with her.

"May I?" Ben asked, holding his hand out to my backpack/oxygen tank bag. It was getting pretty heavy, so I nodded and he slung it over his free shoulder. "Is it almost time for your chemo?" He asked. I looked to my watch and said, "Almost. I still have half an hour or so."

We walked the rest of the way to my place, not saying much except maybe talking about what homework we had. It was still awkward to me, but he had a smile playing on his face still. Sometimes I think it's plastered there. "Well," he said as we approached my door, "here you are and I'll see you tomorrow."

I took my bag from him, then said, "Yeah. Thanks for walking me and carrying my bag." He nodded and told me, "Anytime. I'll text you tonight, yeah?" I nodded and said, "Yeah, okay. Bye, Ben." Instead of him kissing my cheek, I leaned up and kissed his. He seemed pleasantly surprised by that.

Like he said he would, Ben texted me that night. Unfortunately, I couldn't respond because...well, I had a bad night. After my chemo, I started to feel a little sick. That wasn't unusual, neither was the fact that I couldn't hold my dinner down. What was unusual was the waterfall of blood spilling from my nose and blood I was coughing up.

It's happened before, but not since this whole thing started.

I was in the hospital all night. Not surprisingly, the doctor said it was because of the cancer. More specifically, osteosarcoma. That basically meant I was made of cancer. It was in my brain, my lungs, my bones, everywhere. The most damage was to my lungs, which is why I have to wear a damn oxygen tube all the time.

I didn't get released until lunchtime the next day and I practically begged my parents to let me go to school. I had nearly a hundred missed calls and texts from Ben, Lee and Aaron so I wanted to go and show them myself that I was okay.

I got to the school in the middle of lunch and walked into the cafeteria. I saw my friends huddled at a table looking worried and sad. They weren't talking, but just picking at their food. Taking a deep breath, I walked up to the table.

"Geez, are we at a funeral?" I joked. All of their heads shot up and looked at me like I was a ghost. "That's not funny," Lee said as she quickly got up and hugged me. "We were so worried." Aaron came up and hugged me while saying, "We called your parents this morning when you didn't show. They told us what happened."

I pulled away from his hug, then looked to Ben. He looked at a loss of what to say. "This is what you get," I told him. "This is what you get to go through being with me. I go to the hospital a lot, I have scares, even some moments where I think I'm going to die. I don't want to hurt you like that, Ben, that's why I was afraid of going out with you."

He listened intently to every word I said and even had tears form in his eyes. Without saying anything, he slowly walked up to me, then said, "I wasn't sure what to think. I will admit I wasn't sure that I was even ready to go through that..."

I put my head down and could feel tears forming in my eyes. This is exactly why I didn't want to feel anything for him besides friendship. "With that being said," he continued, "my feelings for remain the same. No matter what happens, I will always worry about you. I have to be with you, Cassie."

Oh, I have never heard sweeter words. I smiled with tears running down my cheeks. His thumbs immediately caught them and he smiled as he wiped them away. "Are you okay?" He asked me. I nodded and said, "I'm fine. It was just a little scare, that's all."

"Are we still on for Saturday?" He asked. "It's no problem if you don't feel like going out. We can stay in and do something. Actually, I might feel a bit more comfortable if we did that anyways." I couldn't deny staying inside because that's all I ever wanted to do anyways. Besides, I wanted to remain cautious.

"That sounds a lot better," I told him. "For now, I say we get through this week."