Kintsukuroi || Dazai Osamu x Reader

2. Incepto ne Desistam

Incepto ne Desistam- 'may I not shrink from my purpose'. A quote taken directly from the Aeneid, and uttered by the Roman goddess Juno before charging into battle.

{ 07:57 - (L/n) Residence (Yokohama, Japan) }
[ POV: (y/n) (l/n) ]

I sat cross-legged on my second story balcony overlooking the street below, taking a long drag on my cigarette. The morning air was already muggy, promising a warm day.

I felt shitty about smoking again. I mostly weaned myself off of them a few years back, but whenever I get stressed out I give in and buy a pack. They calmed me down, even though I always felt guilty because I knew I was destroying my lungs. But after making the commitment to join the Armed Detectives that held not one, but two important figures from my past, I deserved more than just a cigarette.

Dazai had offered to meet me at my apartment at eight today and walk me to the Armed Detective's office. Apparently he was able to find me, who was declared dead at twelve, and was able to track me all the way to the alleyway he found me in. That's Dazai for you.

I paused, reflecting on the thought.
Man, what a joke. In one night, my peaceful, stress-free life was interrupted, and I ended up being lured by an ex-mafia executive into working for the Armed Detectives using Atsushi Nakajima as bait. The idea was disturbing to think about. I tapped my cigarette on the balcony railing and let the ash fall to the sidewalk.

So Atsushi Nakajima is Dazai's subordinate. It seemed unreal to imagine that little boy as an adult, a member of the ADA nonetheless. When I knew him, he was just a kid latching onto his sisters' side.

Nakajima... this is what she would want, right?

A career as an  Armed Detective is precarious. The Mafia's wrath looms over them at all times. But it was worth it, if could watch over her little brother and see to it he was safe and happy. I owe it to her.

Atsushi won't remember me, and I won't say anything. I wouldn't be able to handle it anyway. I just need to keep an eye on him. Make sure he's safe, something I failed to do before.

I buried my head in my hands. Unbelievable. I dug into my pocket and took out another cigarette.

Today I was joining the Armed Detectives, and my ability would become a tool for them to use for intentions I could only hope were noble. I'd lose my freedom and I'd have a job, with set hours and rules. I won't last a month. A part of me resented Dazai, the fool that dragged me into this. But no, I made this decision, not him. There's no use blaming anyone.

Dazai... man. Who would've thought I'd be meeting him again? It was unsettling. Just being around him left me uneasy. I didn't know what to think of him; too many muddled feelings. First he was my captor, then he became a fellow prisoner, a kind master, and then my liberator. But now he's... this. We were on equal footing now. The more I thought about it, the more confused I got. I took another drag and coughed profusely.

A voice rang out from below me.
"Oi, Kintsu!"
I looked down, and sure enough on the sidewalk was the man himself, holding two cups of coffee in his hands.

"Kintsu?" I repeated, giving him a funny look. I stood up and swung over the railing, flying down the street where Dazai stood. I was on the second story and the jump was about seven or eight feet, but I felt like making an impression.

"... You know, most of my friends call me Retsu, not Kintsu." I said, copying his sly tone. "Short for Kiretsu."

Dazai's eyes glimmered with amusement, and he returned my crooked grin.
"Terrifying. How fitting is that nickname?"
"Want to find out?"