Indulgent

Chapter Five

Victoria was waiting in her car for Tristan around the corner from the hospital just as she had promised to be. She'd been sitting in the cold for almost an hour now, and had considered leaving for a second time when she caught sight of a grim faced Tristan walking through the snow and started the car, trying her best to save her questioning, knowing Tristan would tell her when she was ready. From the look on her friends face, nothing good had happened, and when Tristan opened the door and sunk down into the car, shivering, neither girl said anything. Victoria pulled out into traffic, driving slowly on the slippery roads, trying to decide if Tristan would want to go home or not.

"We kissed," Tristan finally volunteered the information that she knew her friend had been waiting for with wide eyes starting off out the window. She was picturing it happening over and over again. "We really really kissed."

Victoria fought with herself not to prod.

"God, her lips are so soft, and her arms are so strong, and when I'm on top of her-", the girl stopped short, realizing not for the first time that what had happened probably would never happen again. She felt an ache in the middle of her chest and stared down at her hands, fighting tears.

"Oh, honey, don't cry," Victoria cooed, pulling into an empty parking lot, still miles away from her house, and Tristan's. She reached over to pull Tristan against herself, stroking the girl's hair as big wet tears fell from her eyes. "What else happened, why are you crying?"

Tristan shrugged then, trying to dry up her tears. She was crying because she knew about Addison's girlfriend, her wife, and she didn't know anything else about the testy doctor who'd she fallen helplessly in love with in a matter of minutes. She could have stayed kissing her for hours, despite all of that, but when the doctor finally made plain her fears, Tristan knew their time together was doomed from the start. You can't fall in love with me, Addison's gruff voice repeated over and over in her head as she whined into her friends shoulder, waiting for the pain and ache in her chest to stop. That she felt this horrible over a woman who she'd barely just met was pathetic, but she couldn't shake the feeling of the doctors arms around her, the doctor's bright eyes searching her own, and she didn't want to.

For a moment she wanted to beg Victoria to turn the car around, to rush back to the hospital and catch the woman in her office, push her back down onto the couch, kiss her like they had everything to loose. But she knew better, she knew she'd be putting herself farther out there then even Addison had by kissing her, and that her feelings ran the risk of not being reciprocated.

If there was one thing that Tristan was not when it came to her emotions, she wasn't brave, especially while logically the situation was stacked so high against her favor. Addison would have to be insane to risk a beautiful woman and a career for one teenaged lesbian with mismatched socks. Tristan just couldn't justify taking such a risk.

"Tristan?" Victoria was watching her friend closely.

"She told me not to fall in love with her," Tristan responded hoarsely, hanging her head in rejection. "I think I already did. Maybe not real true love, but I've never wanted anyone as much as I want her."

Victoria sighed, leaning back into her sea, one hand on Tristan's arm. Part of her wanted to tell Tristan to hell with the stuck up woman. If the doctor didn't want Tristan's love then she wouldn't get it. But another realistic reasonable part of her knew that Tristan couldn't stop her feelings anymore then she could start them.

When finally Tristan wiped her eyes and asked Victoria if she could stay with her instead of having to deal with Sharon, Victoria drove them home in a comfortable silence, Victoria trying to understand what kind of woman Doctor Addison must have been, to have Tristan turned to upside down.