Indulgent

Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Tristan walked to her sister's house thinking about the kiss that could have been with mixed feelings. She'd spent an entire night kissing and rubbing against Kinley and only felt half of what she had felt for that moment while holding her doctor's hand. She replayed the event in her mind over and over, closing her eyes as she waited for the elevator to lift her to the seventh floor again, licking her lips when she pretended that Addison had kissed her, and that they hadn't been interrupted. That's when she started to feel something other than elation, when she remembered that some woman had practically banged down the door to get to Addison. She'd seen a glimpse of who had been knocking and knew she could never compare. Even if in some strange universe somewhere Addison did have feelings for her, at least enough feelings to kiss her, Tristan knew she could never measure up to the woman behind the door.

She sighed and stepped off the elevator, opening Jess's door and flopping down beside her sister on the couch. Jess looked across the lumpy pillows at her and wondered what had gotten her little sister so upset. She hadn't seen her so detached since their mother had flipped out about Tristan being a lesbian.

"What happened?" Jess asked, muting the television. She had put Binky down for a nap almost an hour ago, and she hoped they would have enough time to talk through whatever was bothering Tristan, if the grils would open up.

"You look pissed."

"I'm not," Tristan responded slowly, her eyes hooded. Doctor Darien Addison danced in front of her when she closed her eyes, the woman's perfect lips close to hers, both of her strong hands around Tristan's waist.

"I'm fine."

"Don't even lie to me, girl," Jess chided her sister, handing her a bowl of popcorn that Jess had been lingering over since Binky had fallen asleep. Tristan took the bowl and picked at the kernels, wishing there was an easy solution to her new problem.

"I want to kiss my counselor," Tristan blurted out, feeling embarrassed as she said it. Jess looked at her incredulously, wondering if she was being serious, and if she was where the feelings had come from.

"Your psychiatrist?" Jess clarified, her eyebrows raised. "When did this happen?" Tristan shrugged, biting her bottom lip and thinking back over the two times she had met with Addison and what she had felt about them. If she was honest, she'd wanted to jump her doctor's bones on first sight, and she was starting to realize that Addison probably felt the same way.

"Since we met. Her names Darien Addison." Jess repeated the name, nodding slowly, eyeing Tristan for more information.

"She hasn't made a move, has she?" Jess asked, her usual protectiveness rearing its head. Tristan lied and said that nothing had happened, hoping the older sister wouldn't see through the lie. Tristan wasn't even sure if she could call the moment shared between her and Addison anything more than an awkward silence. They hadn't actually kissed, and only held hands for a moment. "If she has, I'll-"

"Jess, no, nothing's happened," Tristan answered quickly. "I just feel myself wanting to."

"Why?"

Tristan shrugged. She hadn't figured that part out yet. "I'm going to go shower," she changed the subject, setting the bowl of popcorn on the living room table and disappearing down the hall.

She locked the bathroom door behind her after taking a fresh towel and washcloth from the hall closet. Tristan looked at herself in the mirror, her eyes slowly traveling from her body to her face. She couldn't hold her own gaze for longer than a few seconds, the seriousness she tried to wear coming off as completely ridiculous.