Breakeven

Chapter 31

I wandered through the corridor back to Adam's room, not really paying attention to where I was going.  Suddenly I came to an abrupt stop as I walked straight into something.

"You really should pay attention to where you're walking" A voice said.

"I'm so sorry" I gushed as I looked up and saw the smile across his face.

"Don't worry, you saved me the trouble of coming to look for you" Liam said with a chuckle.  "I see you took my advice and had a break?" he asked looking me up and down.

"Yeah, thanks for letting me use your flat." I said as I took the door key out of my pocket and offered it back to him.

"Keep it" he said wrapping his hands around mine and gently pushing the key back towards me. "It's a spare one anyway and I'm guessing that even after today you'll still refuse to go home"

I smiled in reply, he was right, I had no intention of going home.

"So, what did you want to see me for?" I asked.

"I just thought I'd better spend a few minutes explaining what will happen this afternoon." He said as he led me over to some chairs which lined the corridor. "We have already been slowly reducing the oxygen levels to the ventilator and the signs are positive that Adam can breathe unaided. So, what we are going to try this afternoon is to switch off the ventilator completely. It will take around 15 minutes for a decision to be made as to whether we can remove the ventilator so he will still be attached while we monitor his breathing but as long as Adam responds the way we expect him to, I'll then remove the ventilator tubes and we will be one step closer in his recovery. You'll be allowed to be in the room throughout but you won't be able to touch Adam while we are working on him."

"What if this doesn't go to plan?" I asked "What if he can't breathe on his own?"

"He will be fine" Liam said reassuringly as he squeezed my hand. "And if he can't breathe unaided then we switch the machine back on, that's why I can't remove it straight away."

I nodded thoughtfully, I felt positive about this step but I also felt scared.

"Please, trust me."Liam said sincerely "He's in good hands"

"I trust you" I told him honestly with a smile.

He stood up, "I'll see you in there in a minute" he said as he headed off down the corridor checking his pager as he went.

I smiled to myself as I turned and went into Adams room.

"You look better" Rina said with a smile as I walked in.

"Thanks for staying here while I was gone" I said as I walked over to Adams bedside and took the seat next to Danny. We sat silently for a few minutes, I hardly took my eyes off Adam as I watched his chest slowly rising and falling. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Danny reaching his hand out to touch Adam, he was shaking really badly and clearly was in withdrawal himself. I reached out and took Danny's hand squeezing it gently as I rested our hands in my lap before looking at him for the first time since I came in here. He was a mess, he almost looked as if his body was too heavy for him to support, his hair that would normally be perfectly styled was hanging in his eyes, slightly hiding his pale complexion.

"You don't look good" I said as I brushed his hair from his face with one hand.

"I'll be OK" he whispered, somehow, I understood that he didn't have the energy to speak right now.

"You need to see a doctor" I told him sternly

"No, I need to see my boy breathing again" he said as his eyes focussed back on Adam.

We sat waiting for a while, nurses were coming in and checking on Adam but we weren't being told anything. Liam eventually came into the room, "Sorry, I got held up." He said as he flashed a smile whilst lifting the notes from the end of Adams bed, he paused to read them for a moment before he hung the clipboard back on the bed. "Are we ready to get started?" He asked me, I nodded.

"OK, I'm afraid I will have to ask you to wait outside, we can only have the parents here." He said as he turned to Mark and Rina.

"We'll be right outside" Mark said as he came and kissed my cheek before leaving with Rina.

Liam immediately took charge of the room as the nurses set to work. He asked Danny and I to move from the side of Adams bed so that they could get to him if they needed to, reluctantly I kissed Adams forehead and moved as directed to the corner of the room.

I watched as they reduced the ventilator, nervously biting my lip and praying silently that this would go to plan. Danny's arm hung around my shoulder, I guess to try to comfort me but in all honesty, it just felt like a dead weight. After around 10 minutes Liam looked up and told me "He's breathing unaided"

Tears filled my eyes, I would never have believed that someone telling me my son was breathing could make me feel such a huge sense of relief. Danny pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around me, I could see the relief etched on his face but after a second I pushed him away, turning my attention back to Adam.

The next 10 minutes felt like an eternity as the nurses constantly monitored Adam, they would occasionally offer a reassuring smile before going back to their work.

Then Adam started to make noises as if he was choking, as I instinctively went to step towards him I was pushed back by one of the nurses and I saw Liam jumping into action. A nurse tried to reassure me that there was nothing to worry about, but how could I not worry. I fell to my knees and pleaded with the staff to help him.

Everything just became a blur until I felt Liam's hand on my shoulder and looked up to see his smile.

"He's off the ventilator and he's breathing for himself" he said.

"Thank you" I said as I flung my arms around Liam "Thank you so much"