colby brock imagines

0.9|| broken

lowercase intended.
also, super sorry about this chapter. just in a sad mood because of this song so.
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i turned on the camera, tears flowing heavily down my cheeks. i walked to my seat, sitting down and wiping my cheeks.

Sam and Elton sat to my right. Corey and Aaron to my left. i sucked in a sharp breath, looking at the camera.

"this is the hardest video, i've ever had to made." tears flowed harder down my cheeks as i looked down at my hands.

sam grabbed my hand and started talking.

"i think you all already know what happened if you seen the news or been on twitter recently but three nights ago," sam sucked in a sharp breath, tears sliding down his cheeks. "colby killed himself."

a sob left my lips as i squeezed sam's hand. corey wipes his cheeks and spoke quietly.

"this may come as a shock to most of you because Colby was this happy, smiley guy all the time. he was always positive and encouraged you guys to stay alive. sadly, he couldn't convince himself to do the same."

i finally looked up. i could tell my eyes were red and puffy. i hadn't stopped crying for three days. elton took his turn talking.

"he was an amazing guy. he made us all laugh. everyday. no matter what. he was like a brand new pencil. he started off sharp and was bright, colorful even. then, slowly, he dulled and stopped being so colorful. chipping, dull, hell, the wood broken off. but he was still there when you needed him." his voice cracked.

Aaron looked at the camera and wiped tears off his face.

"all this time, he seemed to be happy. never once did he mention the sad thoughts. or hate. but it was happening. and it got to him before we could." he shook his head.

we were all silent for a bit before i looked up at the camera. Aaron and Sam held my hands tightly.

"colby was great." i smile sadly, remembering his smile. "everything about him. he could make everything bad, disappear. if i had a bad day, he always had some ridiculous plan to make me feel better. never once did i think he was upset. or depressed. but that's were i was wrong. that's where we were all wrong."

the boys all looked at me as my lip quivered. they all surrounded me, hugging me tightly. i sobbed again, all my feelings building up.

the boys left the room, leaving me to explain everything. i sighed looking at the camera again.

"i've never imagined my self being in a position to make this video. but, here i am."

"you all are probably wondering what exactly happened, who found him, was there a note, etc."

"i won't include the gross details incase you are easily grossed out." i couldn't cry. my eyes were dried. i've cried everything i could. i stared at the camera, an emotionless look on my face.

"no one was home. just me and colby. colby was upstairs taking a nap. i was downstairs, cooking dinner for everyone. i hadn't thought to check on colby since he was napping and dinner wasn't ready yet. i really should have checked on him."

"i had burned myself on the stove and i ran upstairs to grab bandages. the upstairs was dark. quiet. again, nothing unusual because colby said he was taking a nap. expect, the bathroom door was shut. i didn't think anything of it." my hands shook violently as i recalled the events.

"i walked into me and colby's shared room. sitting neatly on the desk was a note." i swallowed hard, feeling my body shake. "still, i didn't think anything of it. maybe he ran to the store. i grabbed the bandaids then grabbed the note."

"i just looked down at this note, for what seemed like years. i froze. my body shut down. completely. i just dropped the note and i ran. i looked at all the possible rooms he could be in. then, i heard a thud. i lost it."

"i was slamming on the door, begging him to open it. then, i just felt anger. not at colby. but at myself and this door that was blocking me from him. so, i kicked in the door."

"laying on the cold floor, pills surrounding him,  was colby. everything about that moment will forever be burned into my mind. i just dropped to the floor, crawling to him, talking to him. he was still alive. barely but he was responsive."

"he looked at me, his once bright blue eyes were dull. they were lifeless. he was crying. he looked at me and said he was sorry."

"i put his head in my lap. he said he was sorry he couldn't do it anymore. that he loved me. that he wished he was stronger. that he wished he'd been okay."

"i just shook my head, still crying. i said i was sorry. i should've been there for him more and i'll never forget the look he gave me."

"he just grabbed my hand and smiled. he placed his hand weakly on my cheek and said 'you were the best thing i've ever had. everything i ever wanted. there is nothing you could've done to stop what i did. i didn't want you to. this, right now, is what i want. it'll be okay. i'll be okay. you'll be okay. i promise you.' then, he kissed me one last time."

"i lost it then. completely lost it. everything was in slow motion. me screaming for him to wake up. Aaron, Sam, Elton and Corey all running up the stairs."

i looked at the camera after a full minute of looking anywhere else.

"please. please do not let people get to you. all of you, every single one of you is worth it. if no body thinks you are, then i do. let colby show you what your words can do to someone. everything you say could effect someone in the worst way."

"then again, you could also never know what someone is thinking. or feeling. if you think someone isn't in the right state of mind or just isn't being treated right, please talk to them. help them out. cause you never know who needs it most."

i turned off the camera, not caring to do the outro. i pulled out the memory card, setting on my laptop.

i pulled off the shirt i was wearing and put on one of colby's hoodies. i slipped off my pants and put on pajama pants. i threw my hair back into a bun and walked downstairs.

i've refused to go into the bathroom ever since that day. everyone was in the kitchen. katrina saw me and a look of sorrow filled her face. i just looked at them all and tears filled my eyes again.

katrina was the first person to pull my into a hug as everyone else joined. we all sat in slience. no words needed to be spoke. we all knew what everyone was feeling.

A/N
i'm super sorry about this super depressing imagine! but i wanna bring awareness to suicide. it is not a joke. depression is not a joke. please talk to someone if you feel depressed. if you need someone to talk to, my dms are always open❤️

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