Star Dazed

[FS]: Chapter Twenty One: Walking Away

The tobacco for a minute relaxes me. Long enough for me to forget about Maahirah's limp body and swollen eyes. Long enough for me to kill the guilt I feel that I haven't touched her or felt her because I couldn't into the room. Long enough for me to see the disappointment on her parents face and the look of maturity on her sister, Vaneeza.

I know some part of her parents blame me for the fate of their daughter. Who wouldn't? I promised to look after her. Even the doctors have no idea why she really slipped into coma but they did make the wild guess of her going under too much stress and exhaustion that her brain has refused to cope up. And, for all this torture, I blame myself.

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I have no idea what time is it, when my phone rings. I'm too much of a wimp to actually see who it is. My whole body paralyzes with fear as the ring continues to echo.

With heavy heart I flip the phone over to find Dr.Henry call me.

"Hello?" I ask unsure of what I'm going to hear next.

"Hello, Mr.Aslam, your wife she is awake!" He says. The phone drops from my hand and collides on the linoleum floor.

She is back? The thought itself is enough for me to kick myself out of the bed. Drown in a quick shower and change and within half an hour I'm out and on my way to the hospital.

When I reach the hallway to her ward, my heart races against my chest. I'm not sure if I'm ready to see the damage I did to her. I take slow pained steps towards her room. The glass window on the door makes me see her. She is sitting on the bed, listening intently to what her father is telling her. She recognizes her family so this is a good thing. She doesn't has amnesia.

I back away from the door, only to pause when her turquoise eyes meet mine. I can't see much but mixed emotions pass her and before she can react, I move away.

She is alive and this is what matters to me. I round the hallway and almost crash into Dr.Henry.

He smiles politely at him.

"How is she doing?" I ask him.

"Much amazing than I thought someone will do after waking up from coma."

"What do you mean?"

"She immediately recognized her parents and she didn't once questioned her surroundings. It is like almost she just woke up from sleep and is pretty much aware of everything that occurred."

"It can be a good thing or a bad thing.  If she has somehow shut off the part that felt too much pain, then she will have a breakdown soon enough but if she is already accepted what happened, then she will be fine."

I nod and thank him. Dr.Henry is Mr.Brackson's cousin so he already knows what happened.

Just as I leave the hospital, I know what I have to do. I walk to the nearest florist, and buy a bouquet of different varieties of flowers. I also ask the shopkeeper to give me a good pen and a paper with an envelope. I pay her off. Siting on the chairs in the shop, I write a quick note in my scruffy handwriting.

'Maahirah,

I'm glad to know that you're fine now. You have no idea how these two months had been for me. Seeing you in this position, made me question my responsibilities skills, it made me see my capabilities at being a failure. I let your mother down. I broke her promises. I couldn't protect you and see where this has led you.

I'm sorry for being a complete loser. You deserve so much better. You deserve someone who can take care of you. And that someone isn't me.

But, guess what, I'm selfish. Selfish enough to not let you go. Selfish enough to love you forever despite of what I did. Maybe you think that I'm the monster because maybe I'm and you are the most amazing person so I'm making this easy for you, I'm walking out maybe because maybe you don't wanna see me after all that happened. And, this is why I'm asking you, that do not contact me. I need to keep myself away from you. So that when I leave, I give you space to come in terms with what just happened.

Get Well Soon.

With love,

Aayan.'

"Can you make sure this is delivered to ward number 3 on level 2?" I ask the florist once I folded the note into the envelope. She nods. I pay her and walk out.

I book a flight to London and make sure that I'm away from Maahirah for her betterment and for my sanity and because love makes you take crazy decisions.

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Epilogue will be out soon!

The flu sucks!