I learned how to breathe today. The first breath of life I had in a long time. I was surrounded by people who cared about me, though I feel alone a lot today was different. I made Christmas cookies, I woke up and my sister was talking to me. And I don't think they realize how these little things mean to me. I also started a new job where everyone is nice to me. They take my anxiety into consideration and don't push me for more than I can handle. That was new for me, so many years I've waisted wishing for death when I really should've been wishing for life. For that one small breath that I took today it was enough to show me that I need to be alive no matter how hard it gets for me. No matter what I do I need to stay alive that death will do more harm than good and it hurts me to say that I am just now realizing this. That the one small amount of air that I had in my lungs was enough to say, "I deserve to be alive. I deserve to be happy." And it's time that I realize this because sooner or later I will be dead and I don't want my time here on earth to be pain and sorrow. But laughter and love though I know that'll take a long time but in the end it's worth it. Right?
