To Be or Not To Be, A Feeling of: Tightening Up Part 10

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Hello again, dear reader authors!

Most likely I've been enjoying your works and I'm glad to see you here!

Another quirk I've noticed on Wattpad is the excessive use of verb phrases, namely "to be" and "to [insert verb here]"

Worse is the weak verb phrases like "to get" [see my chapter on Weak vs. Strong] and "begin to [insert verb here]" . Go strong! Do it! Don't start to do it! DO IT!!!!

Ahem, rant over. Now...

Generally, it's best to simply utilize the verb and forget the "to" phrase.

Example from my dear friend and originator of the Eyeball Army DianaTheThird

[her book Betrayal of the Guardians is great and has over 7K reads. Only the strong allow me to use their writing as examples! Roar! Gratitude from the Dragon Editor]


As she studied the area, a feeling of relief hit her heart...

Those few seconds of relief didn't take long to vanish...


These can be tightened up. For example:


As she studied the area, relief hit her heart

OR

As she studied the area, relief flooded her heart...


THEN

That relief vanished in seconds...


See how that tightens the writing and increases the impact?

Now to be fair, @DianaTheThird correctly used a verb phrase here:


A sound of an object being crushed forced her heart to jump.


Yay DianaTheThird

And thank you!

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