Thoughts.

Release.

I've never been one to cry.

There are times, often at night, when everything is crushing me- I'm screaming silently under the unbearable pressure and I just want to cry. but I can't. I lie awake, willing myself to cry, with no results. I would feel better if I could just cry it out. Just get the feelings out. But it's impossible.

My family and friends have commented on my lack of crying numerous times in my life. My sister's serious accusation of me being "dead inside" echoes in my head along with my stepfathers screams of me "not giving a fuck about anything."

it infuriates them.

it infuriates me too. I can see myself in my head, begging for some release- any release. But on the outside, I'm stone cold. dead to the world. I need that release. I crave it.
one way or another, I need to get it.

I have chosen the hard way.