Shadows fell over the room when she woke up. Her eyes looked about confused. Then she noted the empty space next to her and wondered if she had dreamt the thing in the kitchen. No, it was real she was certain of it. Taking a deep breath she sat up wiped the sleep from her eyes hastily and headed toward the kitchen.
"You liked it, but you can't date her?"
"Look at me Marty. I'm in no condition to date or do much more than what we did earlier, although God knows I enjoyed it.
"Who says you have to do more. You can still kiss and touch, why do you have to have everything all at once? I doubt very seriously our virginal Jesse could handle you at full tilt."
"Damn it Marty, I've thought about it, this can't happen again, she would only get hurt."
"What can't you do again? All you did was kiss, there isn't anything to get so upset over."
"Don't you understand, I kissed and touched Jesse?"
Marty narrowed her eyes at her cousin not understanding why he wasn't over the moon.
"She's not..."He paused briefly, giving Marty a chance to yell at him further.
"Not what, what is she not Gage? Not beautiful?
"Stop," he said on a low whisper.
"Not your usual type, what is it oh yes, cheap," she pressed?
"Marty," he said giving her a look.
"Oh I see, Jesse's not going to be an easy fuck so why expend the effort right?"
Gage had opened his mouth at the same time he heard a gasp behind him.
Her eyes widened even as they grew moist with tears she struggled to keep at bay. "I-I should be going, good night." With that she grabbed her purse from the kitchen counter, running to the front door as though the hounds of hell were nipping at her heels.
She had driven two blocks before pulling over to have a good cry. He was hers for all of five minutes and then she woke up. She wished the kiss had been a dream then it wouldn't matter and everything would go back to the way it was. Why couldn't she have just stayed away? He didn't need her help and obviously didn't want her, so why did she feel the need to push herself onto others, when it was clear to them if not to her that her efforts were foolish. An active imagination gone awry to believe that anyone would need her, resting her head on the steering wheel, she continued to weep bitterly. She remained there for the longest before eventually heading back to her apartment, stopping along the way for some fast food. She hadn't eaten all day and was starving.
She wondered like most women as she accepted the bag of artery clogging food if her weight played any part. He was used to dating waifs and all other versions pertaining to that description.
A few more tears fell as she thought about her other flaws that may or may not have also contributed to his second thoughts. Taking her bag of fast food she rubbed her eyes as she slowly made her way to the front door of her apartment.
"Where have you been I've been worried sick?"
Marty and Gage were standing next to the front door, her face full of concern his filled with worry.
Lowering her eyes she held up the fast food she had gotten.
"Unless there was only one employee working the whole damn thing that only accounts for, what, ten minutes at the most?" Gage was angry and on edge, he had begun to think the worst after the first half-hour.
Opening the front door she led the way into her apartment feeling sad and off kilter, not wanting to deal with this at all. She just wanted to eat her dinner and go to bed. "I'm sorry guys I didn't expect you to come here."
Gage could see how red and wet her eyes were not to mention the tear streaks on her face.
Marty grabbed her in a hug, "Yeah right like we were just gonna let you run off like that. Not after what he did and I said. We need to talk about this."
Jesse shook her head, "No, we really don't. I just want to eat and go to bed. I bet you and Gage have talked enough for the both of us and he's still at the same impasse he was before. Am I right?"
Pursing her lips Marty was unable to look Jesse in the eye.
Her cousin on the other hand sat there on the sofa blushing.
"There is no reason you or he could come up with that would make me feel any better tonight, so let's just let sleeping dogs lie, please Marty."
Releasing a sigh, she turned putting her hand on Jesse's shoulder, "Then at least let me apologize for what I said in the kitchen. I was just so pissed at Gage for being stupid and not wanting to follow through that I said some awful things. You know I don't believe anything I said, right?"
"I know you don't." Jesse took a deep breath wishing she had as much faith in herself as Marty seemed to have in her.
He had gotten up and moved to stand next to Marty. "I don't believe them either."
"Thanks Gage."
It wasn't what she said, but how she said it that let him know she didn't believe him and it hurt more than he wanted to admit.
They both left a short time later.
Although she appreciated their concern she wished they hadn't come at all. It was obvious she had been crying, which was humiliating in and of itself without adding the unintended consequence of looking as though she wanted his pity. No woman would ever want to guilt a man into dating that was just pathetic. Sitting on her sofa she had another good cry before drifting off.
"You are aware we just kicked the best friend we ever had to the curb right?"
Biting his lip he looked down at his hands. "Yeah, I feel awful."
Marty nodded, "Me too."
"Do you think she'll ever forgive us?" he asked, his stomach queasy.
Marty slid into the driver's seat cringing, "I hope so."
