City of Secrets

Chapter 6: The Law Is Hard

"Killed you?" Ember asked. "But you're alive."

"Valentine killed Jace, and Clary killed our father by writing her name over his, and the Angel killed him. As her wish, Clary wished for Jace to come back to life. When a Shadowhunter is born, a ceremony is performed to protect it from the reach of demons and possession. When Jace was reborn, those protections were stripped away. Lillith, the demon whose blood is in my veins, took my body and preserved it. She reached into Jace's mind and broke down his resistance until she painted her Mark onto him. Jace was under Lillith's control, and she performed dark magic that brought me back to life. I disappeared with Jace. I had him under my control with Lillith's Mark. He had no control or wishes of his own. He wanted what I wanted, did whatever I told him to, said whatever I told him to say. I felt what he felt, and anything that marked him would mark me. If I died, he would die too."

"Later, Clary joined our cause. She did it only for Jace. She pretended to like me, she pretended to care, but she didn't. Of course she didn't. She's Jocelyn's daughter," he brooded. "I found out she was betraying me when I saw she had a faerie ring. It's very similar to ours. I found out she was talking to her vampire friend, the Daylighter, through the ring." Jonathan's voice cracked, and she could hear his breath rattle in his throat.

"I...had sent Jace to fetch something for that night- the Infernal Cup. It's the opposite of the Mortal Cup. The Mortal Cup has an angelic alliance.The Infernal Cup has a demonic one. I summoned my mother, Lillith, and let her blood drip into the cup. I almost made Clarissa drink from the Infernal Cup," he said in a strained voice. "I almost hurt her, the one person I swore to never hurt intentionally."

Ember could tell he wasn't used to telling anyone anything, and she moved closer to place her head on his chest. She knew she should've sent him out by now. She knew she should have felt disgusted, betrayed, but overall, terrified. But she didn't. She felt her heart break for him, her fallen angel whose wings were torn out before he could learn how to use them. All because of his father.

"Others drank from the Cup," Jonathan continued. "They became the Endarkened. My own army." His eyes began to sparkle, but his voice was tinged with faint regret, and a trickle of apprehension began to seep into Ember's veins.

Jonathan turned to look at Ember. "I have been in the demon dimension called Edom. There's a demon there that shows dreams of what a person most desires, but I see visions, too. In my dreams I see myself sitting on a throne made of bones and gold, and my sister is sitting in a throne next to me wearing a crown. The dream changes and then there's you sitting on the throne, and my sister, my birth mother, and everyone who she loves are bowing to me...but these are only dreams," he said wistfully. "I had a vision...my sister stabbed me in the heart with a sword infused with heavenly fire, and she burned away the demon blood in me. Long story short, I die without the demon blood and the world is saved."

"So you're saying that you want to die?" Ember asked.

"If it means I get to die without demon blood, then yes," he answered simply.

Ember's blood turned into ice."Why?" She moved her head closer to his heart until she heard its steady beat. She closed her eyes and listened, trying to remember the way his heart beat, the way his chest moved each time he took a breath, the warmth of his body warming hers. She knew it would be the last time that she would.

"I've hurt so many people, Ember. I've done so many things that I shouldn't have. My whole existence has brought nothing but suffering to this world. I don't want to rule the dimensions. I don't want to rule the worlds if it means not being loved by the people I want to love me." His eyes were unreadable, his face stoic. "Jace survived when Lillith's Mark was destroyed. Maybe...maybe I can, too. I want to get rid of the evil inside me. I want to come back as a normal Shadowhunter, and if I do, I'm coming back for you. I want- I need to be worthy for you."