the record shop ➵ l.h. au

| 16 |

The couch in my living room had always been a lot more comfortable than my bed. I found myself sitting there more often then anywhere else in the house. 

I was waiting for Ashton to come over but he was taking forever. I looked at my phone and saw no unread messages or missed calls. The house was scilent all around. My mom was at the doctors office and I just got home a few days ago from the desert trip.

I tried not to think about that trip though. After Luke told me how he felt, I pushed him away. I don't know what got in to me but we didnt speak another word after he told me he loved me. I don't know if it was him or me but I couldn't find the words. I was too in shock and I had a hard time beleiving him.

It wasn't that Luke was a liar. I just found it hard to believe that anyone could love me. I don't see anyone wanting to be with me for the rest of my life let alone in a relationship. I wished that sometimes I could move away and just leave my past behind. Everywhere I go in this town people treat my like I'm crazy or my family is crazy. 

I'm not crazy. My situation is crazy.

The front door opened and I heard footsteps in front of the house.

"Kimber, I brought chips!" Ashton's voice ran through out the house. The door slammed shut and I sat up and watched as Ashton walked in to the lving room. He plopped down next to me with his big dorky smile and opened his chips up.

"So, how was the trip?" I forgot that he knew that Luke knew about Calum. I also forgot that he didn't know what Luke told me.

"A lot happened." I sighed.

"Good or bad?" he asked.

"I don't know" I chuckled.

"well, tell me about it" he proposed. 

I explained to him from when I got off the phone with him up until now. Every thing I was thinking and everything I wish I had done. 

"Wow.." He said simply. 

"Yep" I nodded and rolled my eyes a bit.

"Are you going to tell him that you love him back?" He asked.

"How am I supposed to do that?" I asked. 

"Well lets see...." Ashton said sarcastically "You could possibly say.. 'hey Luke, I know I froze up and made you think I don't like you back but really I am in love with you too and I want to get married.'"

"I can't just say it." I whined "I'm not good at... at.. expressing my feelings. I'm not good at having friends let alone a boyfriend. I don't know how guys work. I've had one friend since I've been old enough to like a guy and she's not so great in the love department either."

Ashton stayed silent for a while.

"But the whole trip was so great up until that point" I sighed. "What am I going to do?" 

"You need to tell him" Ashton stated.

"Should I call?"

"Absaloutely not!" Ashton snapped. "You need to go over to him, prove that he's worth your time and tell him how you feel. You need to tell him exactly what you're feeling in that moment and you need to express youself."

"I'm so bad at that though" I sighed. 

"no one is good at expressing their feelings. You just have to do it." 

"But when?" I asked "I'm not ready to go over there..."

"You'll never be ready enough Kim." Ashton chuckled. "Think it over and then when you finally get that thought that maybe you're ready... then that's when you say 'lets do this' before you go back on it." 

"Ash, I was never good at talking to him before all of this. What about now? What if I make a fool of myself. What if I ruin everything or he doesn't even love me anymore."

"Then it was not ment to be." Ashton smiled "Everything happens for a reason. If you think it's going to be a bad thing then you're wrong. The things that happen to you make you who you are."

"Will you go with me?" I asked.

"I mean, I can drive with you but i'm not gonna walk up to the door." he chuckled.

"Okay." I agreed.

I'm actually doing this. this is actually happening. 

Breath, Kimber. Breath.