[✔️] Across The Years | Seulrene

Ch. 6 - Possibilities

In that time I realized the photo I have was of her in her wedding dress. It was taken a week before the wedding. Hence that vague look of sadness that I picked up on when I first saw it.

Irene was married to Mark Tuan on July 10th, 1869, in a ceremony that took place at a church near the Tuan estate.

July 10th, 1869.

Today I am Mrs. Joohyun Irenea Ferrer-Tuan. The marriage took place at St. Andrew's Church which on the outer edge of Herford. It is a bigger and more opulent church than St. Michaels, which is my parish. Thankfully, it was bright and sunny day, and all the arrangements went off without a hitch.

The party at the Tuan mansion afterward was a grand celebration. I even met a distant Cousin of Queen Victoria, (A/n: For those who are confuse, it wasn't Victoria Son,) plus several members of Parliament.

All the well-wishers were very kind and accepting. My father even pulled out his old uniform and put it on for the occasion. Though he filled it out a bit more than he used to. I can't help but feel some sadness as my mother could not at least see me be wed.

Now I can go on with my life and be happy. Push those sinful thoughts away forever.

Though Irene sounded upbeat and happy in her entry, I knew she really wasn't. She was probably more depressed that I was once I realized she had been married. At least I could go quietly to the pub and get drunk and I did just that.

As I expected, she found the sex less than satisfying.

July 11th, 1869

We were so exhausted after the wedding that we both fell sound asleep as soon as we retired to bed. Today was our first day of man and wife. We went riding for a time and spent time packing for our honeymoon. His father rented a small castle in Scotland.

He is sleeping now as I write this. Only a short while ago we consummated our marriage. I was hoping it would be more like with Miss Son. But his touch was rough and did not make my heart stir. The sex was painful and I bled some.

Strangely those compliments he would so often give me were lacking during our lovemaking. But I did my duty and performed as any wife should. But that's all it was— a duty. I made love to my lawfully wedded husband which in the eyes of God is without sin. But why do I feel so empty... why do I long for a softer touch... why do I feel disgusted by his touch. Like all things in this marriage, I'm sure I'll grow accustomed to it.

Irene wrote sparsely in the period after the wedding. She did write again how sex with Mark felt like a chore and nothing else.

Irene settled into the Tuan estate and his parents had moved out. Irene found herself living in the large home with all these servants. She felt a bit overwhelmed at first but managed to adapt.

They threw a few large parties and did hobnob with the rich, but it didn't take long for Mark's true colors to start showing. For starters, he would spend many nights working late. On those ones he'd stay at his small apartment near the Trading house. He did explain that the business was quite large and needed a lot of attention to be run properly. He also took a few business trips to various parts of the country.

Mark would spend a lot of time at the club and most of that time was spent gambling.

By December of 1869, Irene realized that Mark gambled very frequently. Another thing she quickly noticed that many a night he would come home stumbling drunk. She, as a proper wife, dared not to bring such things up to him. What she did learn was by correspondence he would leave on his desk from time to time. They were notes detailing money he owed in gambling debts.