Skin Deep

Expecting, for some reason, a rather timid and small man, possibly with several pairs of glasses tucked into an Einsteinian halo of mad hair, Stanley almost jumped out of his skin when a deep male voice boomed out from behind a fume cabinet, a glass flask smacking messily into the wall a few seconds later.

"Blasted stupid piece of... oh hello there. Are you the new cleaner? Just in time. I can't seem to make coffee properly in these silly things. Ms. Hines refuses to let me have more than two cups before lunch, and that decaffeinated rubbish is utterly pointless. Lovely girl, but bossy as hell. Welcome to my teaching lab."

Stanley, slightly stunned by the rapid-fire and somewhat effusive greeting, looked the man over as the Doctor removed a thin rubber glove from his massive right hand. He was built like a rugby player and sported the cauliflower ear and broken nose to back up the initial assessment. Messy blond hair sat like a haystack on the man's head, and a firm grip pumped Stanley's arm enthusiastically in greeting leaving him feeling a little bruised. The man gripped him firmly by the elbow and propelled him towards a cupboard in the corner of the lab.

"There you go lad, all the cleaning gear you need in there. I don't think you'll be dealing with anything more serious than a bit of spilt coffee this morning as we haven't got any lessons booked following our burglary, so it's a good day to start..." His eyes drifted down to the detective's recorder which blinked redly at him through LED eyes.

"Oh bugger, it's the fuzz. Er... I mean... Hello officer, how can I help you?" he said brightly, nonchalantly closing the cleaning cupboard door behind him.

"Dr. Romanov, I presume?" said Stanley smiling. "I'm Detective Stanley."

"Stanley eh? Very good, nice introduction too. Yes, I'm Doctor Romanov, but please call me Gus, I don't tend to stand on ceremony."

"Gus?"

"Yes, my father was a pillock and called me Augustus for some reason. Could've been worse I suppose, could've been Everard or something equally stupid. Now, where were we? Fancy a coffee?"

"I suspect Ms. Hines would object sir... er Gus."

"True. Ah well she's probably correct. How about some peanuts?"

"Peanuts?"

"Yes, salted. None of that artificial salt nonsense either. Proper, honest salt and fat: terribly bad for the heart and blood pressure. I made a batch earlier out the back before she got in to the office. She won't let me have coffee as I mentioned and I do love a good peanut, bugger the arteries."

"Er... no, thank you Gus."

"No? Shame. Ah well, more for me. Now, what can I do you for?"

"You've had a robbery I believe..."

"Gosh, yes. I'd clean forgotten. See that's what lack of coffee does for you! I keep telling her but she won't listen."

Stanley decided to take a slightly different tack on his questioning. "Gus, what exactly do you do here?"

"Skin, dear boy. Skin! It's marvellous stuff you know, stops all your organs flopping around on the floor, but is in fact an organ in its own right. This room is where we teach young dermatologists and technicians from the industry, but that is just a small part of what we do here. Mainly, it's all to do with repairing and fiddling with skin, fascinating material to work with."

"Material, Doctor Romanov?"

"Yes, material, it's utterly unique and you can do so many things with it. Now call me Gus detective, please, I insist. And what's your given name?"

The detective cringed slightly and sighed. "Accrington, Gus,"

"Accrington Stanley eh? I suspect your father may have known mine by the sound of it. Perhaps I'll stick to 'detective' then. Now, where were we?" The doctor peered at him expectantly.