Mary Grace

Twenty-Four

Twenty-Four

I failed to attend the first two days of John Will's wake. Umalis kaagad ako sa hospital at dumiretso sa Karlo's. The old man must've noticed that I am not feeling well because he prepared the usual latte for me immediately. I sat by the counter for a very long time and when he finally asked, "Okay ka lang?", that's when I started crying.

"I see." He said silently, slowly placing the cups into the cupboard. He glanced at me. "Poor kid."

My tears wouldn't stop from streaming down my face. "I didn't even had a chance to thank him for what he had done for him. I'm such a fucking bitch." I said, sobbing.

He sat across me and stared at my crying face. After a while he said, "Your heart... it hurts, doesn't it?"

I nodded my head slowly. Wala sa sarili kong nailagay sa dibdib ko ang mga kamay ko. It's pounding wildly inside of my chest. "It hurts but it's still pounding, right?" I looked at him and gave him a questioning look. He smiled warmly. "Mary Grace, no matter how much your heart hurts right now, you should know that life must go on. As long as your heart keeps on beating, eventually you have to move on with your life."

"I know..." I muttered. "It's just... it's too much, Karlo. Too much..."

Karlo didn't answer me back. And somehow, that silence calmed me down. Humalumbaba ako sa counter habang humihikbi nang mahina. Karlo let me lay down there habang inaasikaso niya ang ibang parokyano ng coffee shop. Hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog na pala ako nang bigla akong tapikin ni Karlo. Sinabihan niya akong magsisirado na daw siya. My eyes felt very heavy. I stretched and yawned, thank him and left the coffee shop. I glanced at my wristwatch. Mag-a-alas nuebe na ng gabi.

"Mary Grace."

The crispness of the voice sent shivers down to my spine. Napatuwid ako at kaagad na lumingon. It was Harry. It looks like he just came out of his sister's red car dahil nakabukas pa ang pintuan. He pushed it softly and approached me.

"What happened?"

I swallowed hard. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ii-explain sa kanya. "I... I lost someone."

"Yeah," He lowered his gaze on the ground in acknowledgement.

"I'm not referring to Ate Annie, Harry." Pabulong kong sabi. Gulat niyang iniangat ang ulo at tiningnan ako.

"What do you mean?"

"I lost a friend." I said to him, tears are threatening to fall from my eyes again.

Hnidi ako sinagot ni Harry. Instead, he pulled me into his arms and hugged me. The warmth that embraced my cold body was enough to push the tears from my eyes. I sobbed into his chest, my shoulders heaving up and down rapidly. We remained like that for a very long time until I eventually calmed down.

He started walking me home even though he has his car.

"I don't know how to face your parents just yet." Pag-amin niya sa akin. He stopped in front of the house a few blocks away from mine. It was the same spot I last saw John Will before he died.

"Yeah," I nodded my head. "I understand."

"I'm sorry, Mary Grace."

Suminghot ako. "I looked like a mess, don't I?" I chuckled bitterly.

"Yeah, you do." Pag-amin niya at mahinang tumawa. Biglang gumaang ang kalooban ko. Para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa dibdib.

"I think I'm going insane. These things are driving me crazy."

"I feel the same way. But hold on, okay?" Harry smiled at me. "We still have to go to Mauvilas Island. Fix yourself and call me when you're ready. It might take days, months, or even years. But I will still be here. I'll always be waiting."

I walked backwards so that I could still face him. I thought he would cancel the trip knowing that I've been going through something right now but he didn't. "I'm glad to hear it. Thank you." I smiled genuinely at him and ran towards the house.

---

Nagulat ako nang marinig mula kay Danielle na ngayon na ang huling araw ng lamay ni John Will. He's only in the funeral house for just five days only.

"Are you still not coming?"

I heaved a sigh. Mariah stared at me. "Well?"

"Okay, I'm going to see him." I pulled myself up and grabbed my bag. Sumakay kaming tatlo ng jeep patungo sa funeral house. Although my friends are trying to cheer me up, hindi ko pa ring magawang tumawa. Tila napansin nila ang pananamlay ko because they eventually shut up afterwards. Nang makarating na kami sa funeral house, mangilan-ngilan lang ang taong nakita ko doon. Most of them are male students from his class.

A woman with tired-looking eyes and a sad smile welcomed me. "Tuloy ka." She said gently. Dumiretso kaagad ako sa kabaong niyang nakahimlay sa harapan ng mga kahoy na upuan. Jeremy was there, sitting silently.

I dared to look at his face. Nang makita ko ang mukha niya, tuluyan na akong napaiyak. Nanghina ang mga tuhod ko. Kaagad akong nilapitan ni Jeremy at inalalayan. Somehow, his touch was so gentle and caring, as if he was holding a fragile China doll. I sobbed into his chest. He keep on stroking my hair and eventually I calmed down.

Someone suddenly shouted. Napalingon kaming lahat and saw a girl running towards John Will's coffin. She was crying so hard. Niyuyogyog niya ang kabaong, demanding him to stand up. The pain deepened inside of my chest. Sa sobrang pagwawala nang babae ay nabasag niya ang salamin sa kabaong ni John Will. May dalawang lalaking lumapit sa kanya at pinigilan siya sa pagwawala bago pa man siya makadulot ng mas malalang problema.

Jeremy ushered me outside when the foul smell of the dead body started lingering on the air. Pati sina Danielle at Mariah ay napalabas din ng funeral house. The girl did not stop crying. Parang kinukurot ang puso kong nakatingin sa kanya. John Will must've been so important to her.

"Are you okay now?" Inabot sa akin ni Jeremy ang isang maliit na paper cup na may naglalamang mainit na kape mula sa vending machine. I took a sip and sniffed. Nagsisimula na akong sipunin sa kakaiyak ko these past few days.

"Yeah." Sagot ko sa garalgal na boses. "Thanks."

"Listen, Mary Grace..." Jeremy started. "About what happened that night—"

"Ssh..." I placed my fingers on his lips and closed my eyes. "Forget about it. I'm trying my best to forget about it, too. Let's just pretend it never happened, Jeremy. Napapagod na ako sa kakaiyak." Mahina kong wika.

Natahimik si Jeremy. He stayed silent for a very long time then he leaned closer and pulled me to place a soft kiss on my forehead. "I'm sorry, Mary Grace. I just love you so much I couldn't afford to lose you. I already lost John Will. Pati ba naman ikaw, mawawala?"

I rested my head on his forehead and tighten my grip on the paper cup kaya medyo umapaw ang kape at natapon. The warm liquid is seeping into my skin. "I know Jeremy..." I whispered. "I know."