All I need... is a trigger

What Happens... If I pull the trigger?

"Why do you keep doing this? Stop seeking attention!"

"Stop this nonsense right now!"

"Why don't you just kill yourself? It's faster and I just need to bury you!"

"You're sick in the head!"

Pain. It's addictive, isn't it?

You can't just stop at one cut. You need to do more. Much, much more to release the pent up feelings in you. 

Anger. Hurt. Stress. Embarrassment.

All it takes is a cut to the skin to feel that tiniest bit of satisfaction. That release. That... tiny spark of happiness. Like what they've always say... No pain, no gain. It's not just the problems I have at school, work, home or where ever... It's about something in me. That something needs to be let out, in form of cuts and blood. Once you see droplets or trickles, if you cut deep enough... there's a rush of pain-filled pleasure. 

Words. They may seem harmless but it weighs a lot. The meaning or emotion behind it... it's the a trigger that can set off even the smallest bit of thought. One sentence... just the right one... will have me grabbing the blade, just to make me happy. To most people, the messages may be empty and just thrown out due to a moment of flash anger... but to the others... Don't you think you may have hurt them? May have caused them to revert back to their ways of the painful addiction?

Those people. People who have had the intention to stop self-harming, to stop reaching for the blade... only to be thrown back into the black limitless abyss, drowning in their sorrows, waiting for a hand or two to pull them out.

Nonsense you say... this nonsense has made countless people lost their lives by just a simple slice to a vein. Don't you think they may have regretted it somehow? When they saw instead of trickles, they got endless streams of red liquid flowing out of themselves... feeling life ebbing away from them as seconds past by?

Kill myself? Don't you think we've wanted that wish to be fulfilled every time? Death is an escape that doesn't allow us to press backwards and rewind our lives to that very moment we accidentally cut the most crucial part of ourselves. Death is a place we crave from time to time. A place where we can go just to escape from our problems permanently.

But... does death stop the pain? What if... it only stopped our pain? We only feel emptiness after that. What about those who actually cared and tried to stop us? What if... instead of stopping the pain... we made it worse? What if... we spread the pain to those people who tried? That unimaginable pain? It's anguish, don't you think? Well, at least they would know the pain we felt.

Pain. It's an addiction. It's a current problem, and it will hurt everyone. From the victim... that pain will spread to everyone she knows. School, workplace, friends, family... It won't and would never stop just there. It's a vicious cycle. So... before uttering something... stop and actually think about it... will my words become a trigger?