Hopeless Crush

09

UGLY TRUTH

I felt as if I just got hit by a bus today. My heart ached as if I woke up from a nightmare. My breathing became heavy as if something locked me in a small room that I might not be able to breathe.

The ugly truth had came out in front of my eyes but I wanted to tell myself that this was just a lie. But I was not convinced at all.

The first person I saw was Flynn. I used to be happy whenever I saw him, especially right now that he was rarely here to see me, but now my heart ached as if he was holding a gun to my heart and pulled the trigger before my eyes.

A handsome tall figure was standing beside a girl who was not me. He seemed very happy talking with her. I was wondering if that girl already knows about his feelings towards her. Was that why they seemed so happy together?

He was talking with her, pretty swiftly. Didn't look awkward like how awkward it was before when he was with me. They even exchanged smiles which made me go crazily jealous.

He then looked up and instantly smiled when he saw me from across the room. I put up a forced smile, hoping it'd look genuine, and gave him a thumbs up before I walked away from them.

I barely could breathe properly and my eyes went teary. Shit, shit, please don't cry here. Not in front of everyone! I quickly brisk myself away from the hallway, away from everyone, not even noticing Niall put his hand up to say hi.

I went to my class and, thank God, Nat was here already. I sniffled a little and almost threw my bag to the floor.

Nat noticed me, and said, "Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay? I saw Flynn earlier."

Words didn't come out from my mouth immediately, as if my lips were sealed. When I didn't say anything for a whole minute, her expression changed, "Did you do it?"

"No," I briefly said. "He did."

Her eyes widened and almost went speechless but she managed to say, "You're kidding."

"But not to me," I quickly said. "I mean, he did confess to me but it wasn't me. It was meant for someone else."

Her eyes were still widened, with her mouth gapped a little, not knowing what to say. "Did you do it though?"

I shook my head, "We both wanted to say something but he went first."

She put her hand up to her hair and bit her lip, and immediately went to hug me, "Oh I'm sorry, Kim."

My eyes went teary again and my voice shook, "I lost even before I said anything."

——————————-••———————————

The bell rang for lunch break and honestly I did not feel like going out at all. I just sat on my seat without packing my books from the previous lecture. I did not even notice Nat and Paige went outside to the cafeteria.

Not long after that, Nat came back to her seat, which was in front of me, facing backwards to me and said, "I think Niall is waiting for you outside."

I groaned and put my face down on my arms, "I don't feel like going out." I sighed and put my head back up by my chin, "I don't wanna see him or anyone."

She hummed and nodded, "Let's just ignore him for today, okay? I'm going to get some food, do you want anything?"

"Flynn," I mumbled but she could hear me.

She laughed and pat my head, "Bye!"

I put my head back into my arm and closed my eyes. My heart still felt heavy, remembering the image of Flynn with the girl he actually had a crush on.

The fact that he was never with someone after he broke up with his girlfriend and now he had the courage to step up to confess to her, crushed me into little pieces.

Then I heard there was a little knock on my desk and I immediately put my head up and said, "Nat, I'm really not in a mood!"

Then my lips were sealed when I saw Flynn sat in front of me, sitting on Nat's chair. His expression changed when I accidentally snapped on him, "I'm sorry, I'll just text you later."

"No!" I said it too quick and grabbed his arm to stop him from standing up. "I mean," I let go of his arm when he was surprised of my action. "Please stay," I  was afraid if he misunderstood of what I said but I was glad he stayed.

"What happened? Are you okay?" He asked me quietly, which I liked. It felt so private. It felt so intimate with him. It felt like he was speaking only to me.

I put my hand to my temple to my right eye, feeling a bit dizzy, I shook my head, "I'm just not feeling too well, that's all. What are you doing here? This is new."

"I just wanted to see you after..." He didn't finish his word, not knowing what to say.

I was afraid he had a glimpse of me looking devastated so I quickly said, "Hey, so tell me what happened with the girl! How was the confess going?" I tried to put a sincere smile.

"I didn't..." He said quietly. "Confess to her."

I frowned, confused, "What? Why? I mean, you guys were laughing and talking..."

He shrugged, "Yeah, because she and I are friends for quite sometimes. So there's no awkward moments."

We had many awkward moments together, which I liked but apparently it hit me in the stomach knowing what he had with this girl was more ahead compared it to me. I was never in the picture.

He seemed like he had more things to say but he stayed quiet. He didn't look at me, probably thinking if he should tell me.

"What?" I asked.

He looked at me and then looked away with a smile.

"What?" I asked again, with a giggle this time. His smile brought me back to life.

"Actually you're the reason why I didn't confess," He finally said with his head down but a smile on his face remained.

I gapped a little, wanting to say something back but no words came out. I didn't know what to say, how to feel. Was it a good thing or a bad thing?

He looked up at me, still with his smile, "Honestly I don't know why. I was about to. But then I saw you."

I still didn't know what I should say. My heart sinked knowing because of me, he was not able to confess to the girl he liked, but at the same time my heart flattered, hoping this would turn out a great chance for me to step in.

But no words came out of me.

He finally said, "When I saw you leaving, I just feel like I needed to see you."

"Why do you feel that way?" I finally got the words out, but that wasn't the words that I had been meaning to say.

He shrugged, "I haven't figured out that yet."

"Let me know when you do," I tried to look at him in the eye but when he did, I immediately looked away.