drive ~ hemmings

daunted

   The second the taxi was out of sight, my stomach dropped. There was this sick feeling that came over me where I knew that I had just watched something great drive away. I nervously played with my fingers and chewed at my lip, my head shook lightly from side to side and I suddenly felt incredibly scared. I felt more alone than I ever had before. People passed by me - through me - on their way to their own destinations and I wondered if anyone questioned what a girl my age could be doing all alone out here. I wondered if people even noticed me at all.

   I wasn't used to so many people roaming around the streets, but something told me that I was going to have to quickly get used to this world if I was ever gonna make a life for myself. I captured my surroundings, this time scouting for a place that could house me overnight. We couldn't have possibly still been in the outskirts of Los Angeles, this was busier and more crowded. Where was I? And where was I gonna go? It was too late to go back, too late to run home again. I was out here to find the freedom I'd been searching for and I was going to have to be independent to do so. My breaths quickened with panic, I was really out here, I was really alone.

   I did the right thing. I did the right thing.

   I wandered the streets, keeping an eye out for any place I could stay. Night was falling quick and the last thing I wanted to do was wonder loose on the streets after sunset. I tried to keep a brave face but I couldn't shake this feeling of absolute loneliness. It daunted me. My parents didn't care if I showed up tomorrow, they just wanted their wallet and phone. I didn't have any other friends or family to turn to. I had no one. I had nothing. Nothing but myself.

   For maybe an entire second, the taxi driver popped into my head. Something about his blue eyes and raw generosity stayed with me and lifted my seldom lips. I wasn't ridiculous enough to think that I would ever see him again, but it gave me hope that I was gonna be okay out here by myself. It gave me hope that I could find another him someday.

   I rounded another corner, letting the hot June air whip past me. And - as if the lord himself had just planted it - a gas station stood right across the street. It would be open 24 hours, had a bathroom, food and drinks; I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it earlier. It was mostly deserted, but the people who made up the small crowd were shopping at the clothing outlets or out to eat a fancy dinner not too far down the block. I glanced up at the gas station through my lashes. I would be safe there.

   Two cars were filling up while another three were parked in the lot, I walked inside. It was shockingly bright and I was glad to be around all the other mindless shoppers. My stomach grumbled as I made my through the different aisles. I poked around a bit before grabbing a gigantic water bottle and a packaged sandwich and chips. I threw my purchases on the check-out counter and eyed the worker.

   He was hard to not stare at with his white and black hair and boyishly cute smirk. His name-plate read: Michael.

   "Nice hair," I said while rummaging through my dad's - my wallet. I handed him a twenty.

   "Thanks," he opened the cash drawer. "Nice face."

   I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not when my fingers brushed over the scrapes. "Oh these?" I pointed, Michael nodded. "I got stuck in traffic, literally."

   He laughed, handing me my food and water. "Well you be careful Decima."

   All my breath left my mouth at that one fatal word. I stopped in my tracks, looking back at Michael with a new found interest. "How do you know my name?"

   The worker's eyes wondered the mostly empty store interior and then let his gaze stop and fall on me for what felt like a long time. This time when he spoke, it was intimate. Private. "You're all over the news, your family's looking for you." He read the look on my face and stopped, "I'm not gonna call you in, just in case you're wondering. If you wanna go back you'll go back. That's your decision, not mine."

   The news? I was on people's televisions all over the area? While the thought left me shocked and more afraid than I cared to admit, I couldn't help but linger on what he'd said after. This guy didn't even know me, but he still chose to help me out. "Thank you, that means a lot," I sighed in relief, wondering - that if Michael hadn't told me - how else would I have found out? "like, a lot a lot."

   He let out a syllable of laughter, "Sure, but I meant what I said earlier. Be careful." I nodded and with another thank you I disappeared into the aisles again. It was the subtle things that I did after, like ducking my head lower and covering my face with my naturally wavy hair. How whenever I saw someone in an aisle I would shrink into the shadows and curl in onto myself. I knew that there was no way in hell that I could ever go back to my old life. I had to do everything to not be Decima Tanner, starting now.

   I inched around the store until I was sure Michael had went back to playing on his phone. When I saw him in action, I made my way to the bathroom, - a family restroom for one - and locked the door behind me.

   The first thing I saw was my reflection in the dirty, cracked mirror. All of my emotions were displayed on my face. The fear in my eyes ate up the whole mirror, it was all I could see. My lips were etched into a permanent frown that was weighed down by all the worry and doubt. Physically, the concrete scrapes were worse then I'd thought they were. The cut was coated with dried blood and made its way from my left earlobe to my chin. I didn't care to asses the damage now, or later for that matter. I dug into my meal and downed the cold water quickly.

   After all the food was gone and there was nothing left but chip dust on my fingers and a small sense of satisfaction in my stomach, I slid down the public bathroom wall and stared up at the ceiling. I tried not to see the two live cockroaches making circles around the corner of the bathroom and all the dirty toilet paper that littered the floor. I tried so hard not to feel like the disgusting scum that I was. 

   I didn't know what tomorrow held, I didn't know what I was doing with my life anymore.

   But I did know that being away from my parents and that damned house was the greatest opportunity at a real life that I was ever going to get. I knew that it was scary and awful, but I knew I had to do this. I had to do this for me.

   A tear slid down my cheek and I closed my eyes, clinging onto the last shred of hope.

   His smile.

so i'm supposed to be doing trig homework but i'm updating instead

ALL THE LOVE

~ nicole ~