Desire | Shawn Mendes

FIFTEEN

"Stop!" I shout.

"Jasmine!" Shawn says.

"Look at our beautiful baby." He says.
"Murderer!" Paige says.

I hear Shawn's voice trying to wake me up and can feel my body shaking. Shawn looks at me as he holds our baby in his arms. "Don't you wanna hold it?"

= =

"Jasmine, you're having a nightmare! Wake up!"

My eyes shoot open and I find Shawn hovering above me. He has his arms at my shoulders and he has stopped shaking me.

"It's okay." Shawn says. No, it's not okay.

I sit up and he doesn't hesitate as he holds my body close to him. He stokes my hair and kisses the top of my head while comforting me in a soothing voice. I don't even care that he's shirtless, I just want him to hold me and make me feel safe like he would when we were together.

"Shawn?" I ask.
"Yeah?"

"Can...Can you stay with me until I fall asleep?"
"Absolutely."

"Thank you." I say.

Neither one of us moves; I don't lie down on the bed and neither does he. Shawn's arm refuse to let me go and I suddenly begin to wonder if it's due to the fact that I've had a terrible nightmare about what I did, or because maybe, just maybe, he might still feel something for me. Would he still harbor feelings for me? I keep my eyes closed and take in the moment of him holding me in his arms.

The way he holds me reminds me of when I came back to him after his fight. He held me like he didn't want to let me go. Before I can even think, I speak. The words pour out of my mouth like the ocean waves casually and carelessly flow in the shore.

"Please don't let me go, Shawn."

"Trust me," he replies in my ear, "I'm not letting you go."

He doesn't care about you. He doesn't want you back, I tell myself.

"I'm going to lie us down now." Shawn tells me. "But I'm not going to let you go."

"Thank you." I whisper.

My body moves with his and soon enough we're lying down on the bed. I lie on my side, still curled up into his warm body that I never knew I missed until now. Remember - he doesn't love you. He gets under the covers and wraps his right arm around me. Our feet touch and I remember the many giddy nights when we would relax in bed or on the couch and I would laugh at how his feet felt compared to mine.

"You have the biggest but ugliest feet! Get those things away from mine!"

"Hey, big sock, big cock."

My mind is torn between wanting to keep my eyes open or to close them. If I close them, I'll fall asleep surely. When he held me like this, I would always fall asleep. Always. What if I wake up and he's not holding me? Then what? I want to keep them open but if they remain open, what would eye contact lead to?

"Do you want to fall asleep?" Shawn asks me. "I've never seen you have a nightmare, or anyone have one, for that matter. Am I supposed to let you fall asleep? Because I don't wanna hear you screaming like that again."

"I don't know." I reply.

And it's the truth. Do I want to fall asleep? If I fall asleep, I'll fall asleep in his arms and possibly wake up in the morning and find myself alone. How am I to convince him that I don't want him to leave, even after I sleep?