Finding Ruby Red

One.

"If you want me to be a teenager then take me out to parties, let me defy you by not attending." I stare at her.

"Enough you are going wether you want to or not." Mum turned back to the TV and rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hands. I groaned loudly in protest. "Ruby!" mum yelled but quickly pulled back to a whisper. "I need you to do this. Please. I can't keep worrying about what's going to happen next or if it's going to happen again. I need you to keep going to these sessions."

That quickly shut me up. Fact is she was right, I had to keep going. It's stressful enough for her dealing with me and what happened let alone having to have the doctors up her ass about me not going. I went to the support group for the same reason why I continue to live. For my mum. to make her happy. There is one thing more fucked up then trying to commit suicide and it's having a child who tried to commit suicide.

Mum pulled into the driveway of an old building next to the hospital where the sessions were held at 3:30pm. I tried to kill time by finding my note book but as usual mum saw right through it. 

"Do you need me to come in with you?" She asks. 

"No, thankyou." I say. My note book was something I have carried around since I was thirteen, well notebooks. Some of them are full, when I get panic attacks or feel as though them feelings are coming back I write and it's the only thing to really calm me down. My mind sucked at staying in one place. 

"I love you," she said as I hoped out of the car. 

"You too, Mum. I shall see you at five." 

"Talk to people!" She said as she rolled down the window and I walked away. 

I walked into the room where the group session was held and as usual was creeped out by the hanging Jesus cross. I went to the refreshments table, to attempt to socialise but instead grabbed myself a cookie and sat down. A boy was staring at me, when I looked over at him he would look away but each time I caught him. He was sitting in the seat directly in front of me on the other side of the circle. He had a slight tan, and was obviously tall even when sitting. He had dark brown hair that was wavy but in a bun. Really shitty posture, as he had his elbows on his knees and was leaning is face into his hands. I looked away, suddenly realizing my weird observation of him. I was wearing my denim shorts, which were ripped and you couldn't tell wether it was the style or wether they were just old, my saggy long sleeved shirt almost covered my shorts entirely and my hair was up in a messy bun as I find it to thick and long to take time on it. At least my makeup was on, pretty much the only thing I care about relating to my appearance. I cut another glance at him and this time ours eyes met, his deep brown eyes locked in with mine. By looking at him you wouldn't think he had any problems, he looked like he would be the star of his school. Josie then came into the circle and sat next to the guy and gave him a big hug and he kissed her head, I think then it became clear why he was here. The circle soon filled with the normal people and we were off with the same talk as usual. I could feel the guys eyes glance at me every so often and it made me blush. I looked at him for a moment and he smiled and went back to looking at Daniel. It was finally time for the introductions, which I was looking forward to so I could know his name.

"Okay, lets see," Daniel said dragging time out. "Josie you start todays session."

"Alright," Josie said, she sounded happy. "I'm Josie, I'm eighteen. I have suffered from Anorexia for the past couple of years. Been in and out of rehabilitation but finally getting towards my weight goal and seeing a healthier future for me. I have a lot of support and love from people including my wonderful brother, Tobias." She nodded towards the guy and I smiled at knowing that's her brother. He was looking up at his sister smiling.