Not While I'm Around

Let It Go

            Dean slammed on the brakes. The car came to a stop on the side of the road with a squeal of tires. “Of course I love him! How dare you ask me that Sam?” Dean shouted thunderously. He threw the car door opened and jumped out, Sam doing the same. There was about to be a showdown, that much was certain.

            “How dare I?!” Sam said just as loud. They met by the front bumper, hands shaking as they both struggled to keep from striking out. “How dare I?! Dean, don’t you realize how serious this situation is? Castiel almost died today! We need to find out who and why as soon as possible! I would think you of all people would be up for a little torture.”

            Dean stared at Sam, anger flashing in his emerald green eyes. He grabbed Sam by the shirt and shook him. “Don’t ever say that to me again, you son of a bitch! I hated Hell and everything I had to do to those poor souls!” Dean shoved Sam to the ground with a huff. “Do you really think I don’t realize what’s happening? I do, Sam. I know what we have to do, but I’m not going to torture some innocent Angel who has nothing to do with this. That makes me no better than whoever did this to Cass! And I won’t let myself slip back into darkness. I won’t!”

            Sam rose unsteadily to his feet, slipping into a defensive stance. He wasn’t sure what Dean was going to do, but he was going to be prepared. “There’s more to this that you’re not telling me. What’s the whole story Dean? I know you’re hiding something. Tell me.”

            Dean let out a long breath and leaned against the hood of the Impala. He stared down at the ground, struggling to find the right words. When he turned his gaze back to Sam, Sam saw tears in his older brother’s eyes.

            “I love him Sammy. I love him more than words can begin to say.”

            Sam leaned against the hood, crossing his arms over his chest. “How long have you known you were, you know … gay?”

            “I think I’ve always kind of known. I was never really attracted to girls. But I was afraid of what dad would think of me if he knew, so I kept it hidden. I acted like everything was normal. All I could imagine was what he would say; the names he would call me if he ever found out. “No son of mine is going to be some goddamn fairy boy! Hunters are supposed to be tough, strong. You’re nothing but a pansy! Leave and never come back!” I tried to act like he did around women, and after a while … it stuck. It became the norm for me, even after dad died. That all changed when I met Castiel. He woke something up in me that had been dormant for so long.” Dean spoke softly, but his words were loud nonetheless. Tears flowed uninhibited down his face.

            “Wow,” was Sam’s reply.

            Dean waited for Sam to give voice to the thoughts that tormented Dean since he was a kid. He waited for Sam to tear him down, to belittle him like he always assumed his father would. But those words never came. Instead, Sam’s next sentence blindsided Dean.

            “Well, as long as you’re happy.” Sam placed his arm around his brother’s shoulders and gave them a squeeze. “That’s all that matters Dean. I always thought you and Cass would make a cute couple. He loves you just as much as you love him. And as much as I want to tell you that dad wouldn’t have reacted that way, we both know he would’ve; if not worse. But who cares what dad might’ve said. You don’t need dad’s approval to live life. The important thing is you being happy. Never be ashamed of yourself.”

            “Do you really think he loves me Sammy?” Dean wondered, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

            “Yeah, I do. You’d have to be blind not to see how much Castiel loves and cares about you. I mean Jesus Dean; he brought you back from Hell! Castiel risked his life to raise you from perdition. He would die for you.”

            The brothers embraced, Dean sobbing into Sam’s shoulder. After years of keeping his true self in the dark, Dean was free. He cried tears of joy for the future he was going to have with Cass. He cried tears of relief at finally taking the weight off his shoulders. And he cried tears of fear at the very real possibility of losing Cass forever.

            “Come on bro, let’s hit the road. We wanna be there when Cass wakes up,” Sam said as he pulled back. “And I got you a little pick-me-up back at the hospital.”

            They both got back in the car, the air no longer a ticking time bomb. Sam reached into the backseat and grabbed a Styrofoam container. He handed it to Dean with a huge grin.

            Dean chuckled as he opened the container. “Is this strawberry rhubarb pie? I can’t believe they had this in the hospital cafeteria. Thanks Sammy. Mom used to make the best strawberry rhubarb pie on the planet.”

            “Wanna switch seats so you can eat it?” Sammy asked, the goofy grin still plastered on his face.

            “Thanks Sam, I’d like that.” Dean smiled back at Sam as they got out of the car and switched seats. Dean slid into the passenger seat, setting the container on his lap. He couldn’t help the tear that slid down his cheek and dripped onto the pie. Sam gunned the engine and pulled back onto the main road.

**And there it is. The bombshell we all knew was coming in a story like this. I'll hopefully have the next chapter up sometime by the end of the week. As always, reviews are greatly greatly appreciated! <3 Stacey**