Breathe me In

04

"Definitely. I heard positive feedbacks online based on the trailer." Knock shared his enthusiasm and nodded quickly. It was different with Mew. They have the same taste unlike Korn who would always argue with his choices. There was never a time where they would have a normal talk about movies. Every single time, one has something to say against about the other person's choice of film. The arguments never end.

Remembering Korn while he was with Mew made Knock pause. The smile on his face froze and was replaced with guilt.

Mew didn't notice for a while. He was still high from the excitement after watching the film. He kept talking and talking while Knock's thoughts began going back to his memories with Korn.

"Is there something wrong Knock? You've been quiet for some time now. Did I say something wrong?"

They were now at their usual hang out spot in a small coffee shop on the way Knock's apartment. Mew's drink was almost gone while Knock's coffee was still untouched.

Knocked snapped out of his thoughts and lowered his head in embarrassment. He mentally scolded himself for thinking about the guy he wanted to stop having feelings for.

He shook his head and forced a smile. "It's nothing really. Just some random stuff."

"We're not strangers anymore Knock. If there's one thing I know about you, it's that you are the type to say 'it's nothing' when it's something. Come on. Spill."

Knock bit his lip and didn't say anything for a good ten seconds before opening his mouth. "I'm sorry but I kept on thinking about him."

It was really easy for Mew to figure out who Knock meant. There's only one person capable to making the other male troubled.

"Korn." Mew said Knock's best friend aloud. "It's just a name Knock. You shouldn't be afraid to say it." He reached for the other male's hand and held it. "I told you before that I know what I was getting into."

Mew's words didn't help assure Knock's heart. He felt worse. It was really hard to stop his heart from doing what it wants.

"What if this doesn't work out?"

Playfully, Mew held onto his chest as if he was in pain but kept a smile on his face. "Ouch. Are you hinting?" He didn't let Knock answer and continued. "I would be hurt, but I'm sure I'll get over it. It's better that I tried than to do nothing. I won't pressure you Knock. I like you but I also want you to be happy. Don't think about my feelings. Think carefully about yours. What does your heart tell you? Are you willing to risk for that love? The decision is yours Knock. Whatever happens, I'm here."

Knock put his hands on his hair and pulled frustratingly. "I'm really sorry for being like this. I really want this to work out with you. You're also important to me."

"But I'm sensing that I'm will not be as important as that guy." Mew even smiled. He was prepared for the worst. He had also made an impulsive decision to chase after Knock, but he also understood the risk he was taking. Taking a chance was better than playing it safe.

"Don't say it like that." Knock was feeling more guilty when Mew said those words.

"Let's call it a day. Think about it Knock. Think carefully and listen well. When you're ready to tell me what your heart wants, call me. No matter what happens, I'll be your friend. It's alright if I get hurt. I'm not made of glass."

Knock couldn't sleep that night. He thought hard about the things Mew said to him and then Yiwha's concern.

Happiness.

What makes him happy? He asked himself over and over. Throughout the night. It was a simple question yet it was hard to answer.

There's a lot of denial going on in his part. Yes. He was happy with Mew. He was happy with his friends. He was happy with his family.

But... when it comes to his heart, he was happiest when he's with him. Despite being unable to receive the same love he has for that person, he still felt happiest with that guy.

LIFE SUCKS. There was no doubt about it. His stubborn heart only thinks about one person the most.

No matter how much time he gave his heart to get accustomed to Mew, only that person mattered. Only Korn mattered.

After a whole night of restless thinking, it was undeniable that Knock knew really mattered to him.

Knock ended things with Mew the following day. He felt that it would be a waste of Mew's time if he delayed any longer. He owed that to the male.

"I'm sorry Mew. I don't think I could do this." Mew had just gotten his drink when Knock told him the reason for this meeting.

Mew looked at his drink, feeling like it was not as refreshing as it was a second ago. "That guy must be really something." He was disappointed but at the same time, he had the feeling that something like this would happen.

"No. Not really." Knock had thought about it and compared Korn and Mew with each other. Mew had always came on top when it comes to personality, but Korn was the one who had taken his heart. From the very beginning, Mew lost.

Hearing this, Mew chuckled and sighed heavily. "Me and my stubbornness. Don't come crying to me when you get heartbroken." He joked.

The lighthearted tone helped lessen the guilt Knock felt. "So.... Friends?" Knock asked.

Knock received a light flick on the head.

"Friends."

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Right now. I'm not happy. Family can be pretty mean at times. Maybe I'll feel better once I sleep but for now, I'm feeling shitty. 

I hate the word SHAME. 

ciao.