love will tear us apart - larry short story -

ii - tearing

ii - tearing

--

they're sick.

not the kind of sick that can be healed with cool washclothes and cough medicine, the kind of sick that sits deep in your gut and eats away at your heart. the kind of sick that makes it hard to love your job, to love what you worked so hard to be able to do.

it's the kind of sick that makes harry want to throw up when they're told that, under no circumstances, can they do an interview, photo op, or even meet and greet with a fan, together.

it's the kind of sick that rattles louis's head and bruises him from the inside out when he gets a text from liam saying he's with nick again or out with kendall, or worst of all, he's going back to la.

it's the kind of sick that has them skyping from thousands of miles away, where they can't do anything other than try and remind each other that, yes, of course i love you. they also have to keep from crying.

--

louis wakes up two days before the end of the take me home tour and nearly has a heart attack. he had gone to sleep alone, in a bed that was too big and too empty and too cold. he wakes up, and there's another body keeping him company, another set of lungs breathing next to him and another heart pumping blood.

he is half a second away from yelling when he sees that it's harry.

first, louis's relieved. then, something bitter rises in the back of his throat and something cold spreads through his chest because he had been scared shitless of harry. he's never been scared of harry, not even when he's more angry than he's ever been in his life and his eyes go dark and finding traces of the cupcake-boy louis fell in love with is hard. not even then is he afraid of harry.

louis tries to ignore this scary realization and rolls over so that he's curled up against harry's side. the other boy wraps his arms around him, an unconscious move that makes louis smile. 

"i love you," he whispers into harry's shoulder. "i promise, i love you." 

-- 

when the tour ends, harry expects the usual week-long reunion that he and louis normally get. a week that consists of not leaving the bed for most of the day, only getting up to take a quick shower and find some food. 

that's how it goes most of the time. 

this time, though, louis is sent out almost immediately with eleanor, leaving harry to hang out with nick and niall and anybody else that doesn't remind him of louis. it doesn't really work, though, only makes the ache in his chest even stronger. 

when they do get that blessed week, louis leaves two days in to see his family. harry tries to be happy for him, tries to say "go ahead, i'll be fine" without choking on the lie. he doesn't make it. 

"you don't want me to go," louis says flatly. he's got a duffel bag over his arm, beanie shoved over his hair. "do you?" 

harry swallows. he taps his fingers on the counter behind him, and tries to meet louis's eyes. he looks away. "i just miss you," he says softly. 

louis raises his eyebrows. "you've seen me every day for the past eight months," he scoffs. 

"have i?" harry snaps. "have i really? because it seems to me that all of that time was spent on stage, or out in public, or in front of a fucking camera, where we both know that i can't love you or actually be with you when that's where we are."

louis actually flinches. "i'm sorry, harry," he whispers, "but i need to see my family." 

harry feels something in his heart harden. "and when you get back?" 

something dawns on louis's face. "the movie," he says dumbly. "we haven't finished the movie." 

harry nods. "that's what i thought." 

they haven't finished the movie, which means that this break will be more filming, more editing, more public appearances to film, and almost no time together. 

"harry, i-"

"no, it's fine." harry stands up and twists one of the rings on his left hand. "i get it." the ring clatters onto the counter between them, and then harry is walking back to their bedroom without so much as a "goodbye". 

--

on the private plan to doncaster, louis cries for the first time in years. 

he can feel all of it tearing, and he knows harry can, too. he also knows that they have no way of stopping it. 

--