Cowgirl Up Three ✔️

Chapter Seven

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Sunday the fourteenth of January marked one week of me being awake in Hospital.
It also marked ten days since the dreaded accident.
And the birth of the Twins whom I could now acknowledge are alive.
It even marks five days of my apparent daily Psychology sessions.
It was on Doctor Legend's orders.
Apparently my moods were no longer considered 'normal' and they wanted a Shrink to try to get inside my head and figure out what was going on.
What worried even Me, was that I had little interest in my Twin Son's that were some two levels down, still in the Hospital also.
"Some days will be easier than other's."
Doctor Felicity Parker told me, not for the first time.
I just blinked at her.
Some days I could pour my heart out and let her know how much it hurt.
Other days I couldn't make words come out.
It was a kick in the guts that she'd officially determined me to be Depressed.
Apparently one of the strongest symptoms was that I more or less just had no interest in anything and I just wanted to be left alone and in a dark room.
The Twins were ten days old and I'd seen them once.
I hadn't held them, because I'd used the excuse of my stomach being sore, from where I'd been cut into to save both their lives and mine a week and a half ago.
"I'm told you officially named the Babies and signed their Birth Certificate's."
Doctor Parker stated, setting her pen and notepad down onto the table.
We had the first meeting, on Wednesday, in my Hospital Room, but after that Doctor Parker had refused, saying like it or lump it, I had to get out of that room at least once a day.
Today we were sitting in a thankfully empty Patient Lounge, me on one armchair and Doctor Parker sitting on one that she'd dragged around to face Me.
Brodie Isaiah and Dale Lukas.
They were the names Blayze and I had discussed throughout the Pregnancy and we both still liked them, so that's what we signed on.
I didn't understand why the Woman thought it was such a big deal.
It wasn't like it was that hard to hold a pen and write my signature.
"Yes."
I whispered, knowing Doctor Parker was expecting an answer from Me this time.
Every chance she got, she tried to make me talk about the Twins.
Sometimes I just didn't want to.
"And how did that make you feel?"
She questioned, her gaze unwavering from my face.
Feel?
Who is she kidding?
Lately I don't feel anything besides heartache, even though I know that the Twins are alive and so am I.
Blayze and Uncle Lukas crack jokes and I can't even smile.
It just doesn't work.
It's like my ear's hear the funny joke or remark, yet the message doesn't seem to get passed onto my brain like it used to.
Doctor Parker uncrossed her skirt and stocking clad legs, like she was preparing to stand.
Good, the session is over.
"Let's go on an excursion."
Doctor Parker suggested, her face a carefully blank mask.
Let's not.
I bit my tongue.
I'm nineteen years old, not nine.
I wouldn't be excused to speaking out like a Brat.
Despite her bright red hair and dancing hazel eyes, Doctor Parker was actually quite difficult to refuse.
She had an aura about her that seemed to scream you shall do as I say.
"Where to?"
I asked bracingly.
For somebody who's supposed to understand that I'm apparently clinically in 'depressive' mode, she sure seems to like trying to push me into doing things.
"To check on Brodie and Dale."
Doctor Parker declared.
Brodie and Dale...
My heart just didn't even seem to register that she'd mentioned my Son's names.
Deep down, I know that I'm their Mother and I'm meant to be there for them.
It's just like I'm a stranger in my own body.
Some small part of me wants to go to them, but a larger part refuses.
"Come on."
Doctor Parker insisted.
I sucked in a deep breath.
It's now six days since I've seen the Twins in person.
Daily either Blayze, Mum or Uncle Lukas will show me at least one photo.
"Okay."
I whispered.
I might as well try.