Through It all (Editing)

After While

"Be strong baby girl" He whispered in my ear. I nodded and waited as everybody viewed and said there last goodbye to mama. When it was my turn I grabbed her hand. She was so cold.Tears were falling non stop.

" Hey mama, This is the last time I will ever get to speak to you! I want you to know that i love you soo much and that I forgive you for anything you have done. This is all my fault . if I would've never cheated on Dre with Carlin then you probably would still be here and Damon wouldn't have killed you. I will always , i mean always love you. Nobody can take your place. I'll Make sure Liyah know who you are and how beautiful you are. I love you mama and We will meet again. I promise we will. I love you, Get some rest!" I said and kissed her cold forehead. I wiped the tears as I wrapped my arm around Carlin and we headed to back into the limo. I cried against the window knowing that my mama will never ever return.

2 Days later.

" Come on, Yall ready?" Brandon asked. he was doing good and today was the day that we spread mama ashes over the ocean.

" I'm coming" I said putting on Liyahs Little sun dress. This Ceremony will not be sad like the funeral. I'm just now recovering from the headache that I had..

"You got her diaper bag" I asked Carlin.

" Yeah, " he said picking up Liyah and walking into the living room. I followed suit and everybody was ready and had on there Sundress. We left the hotel and decided to load the boating dock. We all got on and got comfortable. The boat pulled away from land and Aerial came and sat in my lap.

" Hey boo boo. " i said kissing her cheeks.

" Hey auntie, Can I do the flowers" she asked. i smiled and nodded my head. 20 minutes later the preachers came and started saying a prayer. After what Carlin has been saying about being strong for mama , I've found a poem that helps me while going through my grieving that I'm reading.

When the pastor was finished I stood up on the boat .

"Hey you all, I't been a very hard time with me dealing with my mothers passing but I've had you all here along the way to help me get through this especially my special someone. " I smiled. " You all have gave me encouraging words and I appreciate that.I''ve thought about it what you all said and found a poem that i would like to read. This is Dedicated to my beautiful wonderful mother Angela. The name of this poem is called She's Gone by David Harkins.

You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live in yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on...
"Thank you" I smiled . Everybody clapped and i went to take a seat next to Carlin. I wiped the few tears that did escape from my eyes.

"Okay Now can I have Ms. Kyla Williams and Aerial Willams come for the distribution of the ashes.."The Pastor said. Deitrick Haddon After While started playing while the funeral director helped me open the urn. I slowly started sprinkling the ashes into the ocean and watch as they slowly fade away. I began sobbing as Aeral slowly spread the flowers over the ashes. Aerial hugged me and then Brandon brought me into a hug as I released all of my tears into his chest.

And wipe the tears from my eyes
How can I forget oh yeah
that when I needed someone
you were right by my side
I know you had to be an angel in the skies
sent from God to bring joy to my life
And now you are gone back home
and I want you to know

I still hear your voice
I still feel your touch
and when I close my eyes
I can see your smile
though you're gone away to a better place
I can't wait to be with you
after while
ooh after while.

Sometimes I break down
but I accept God's will
in spite of the way I feel
Sometimes I wish that I
I wish that I
I could take your place
You should not have gone that way
but I know you were an angel in the skies
sent from God
to bring joy to my life

~Deitrick Haddon

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