Rooming With Ash

Bonus Chapter #1

With the weight of her presence and the confusion that brought becoming more prominent factors in my life, smoking became a necessity rather than an alternative. Some days I would just look to fight, and other days I would need to do both. Other days one wasn't enough anymore and I didn't have the willpower to fight for it.

Some nights were harder than others, and tonight was one of those hard ones. They were usually the toughest when I would need to spend time around Keira for one thing or another relating to Riley, but even though Keira wasn't around tonight, the cigarettes were calling to me.

We had been in Hawaii for under forty-eight hours. This was our second night here – our second night in uncharted territory since this was the first time in three years that Keira and I had been together without the shadow of Riley sitting atop our heads. We had gotten paired together as roommates, a fact that took a lot of commotion for Keira to finally accept. And I felt like in this one full day we'd had in Hawaii, I had gotten to know her better than five months of our Riley-inspired time in Baltimore. Tonight though, she had gone out to some party with a few other people from the house, and I knew she had every intent to get shit faced before the end of the night. I had already smoked once tonight, right after I got into a fight with Keira about (surprise, surprise) the bruises I had on my face. Bruises I had gotten earlier in the day.

I'd thought that after smoking a cigarette I would surely be fine since I would have gone through all the ways in which I knew how to cope and there wasn't much else I'd be able to do, but I was wrong. Sitting in my bed and thinking about Keira out there at that party, no doubt drunk out of her mind, and no doubt being hit on – or more – with random guys was making me lose my mind. I was here in Hawaii with her and I was still too much of a fucking joke to pursue what I wanted. It really was comical.

And so the pack of cigarettes called to me from the bedside table, taunting me and knowing full well that it would win this battle. I didn't want to smoke again, but if I didn't, I was going to punch someone, and I wasn't about to hurt any of the people in the house. I knew that if I didn't take that cigarette, then that someone getting hurt would be myself.

I already had the lighter in my hands and was about to grab the cigarettes when I heard a yelp from outside the room door. My head whipped over to the door that at the same second burst open, and in fell a very giggly and very drunk Keira. I took in a sharp breath, startled to see her like this even though she was in the exact state I'd expected her to be in. I didn't know what would happen past that moment, but whatever did happen, I knew it would be memorable.

I stood up and made my way to the doorway in which Keira was sprawled out on the ground, laughing to herself about God knows what. Lowering myself down so that I could get a better look of her, I kneeled beside Keira and felt my chest grow tight as I took her in. Her eyes were glazed over and her hair was a mess, it was clear that she was a long way from reason and something about that made me uneasy. I knew that our fight had played a role in how smashed she ended up getting, but it was all still so much. I had been noticing this girl for years, and she didn't seem like the type to get out-of-her-mind wasted for fun. Something bigger had to be wrong – I just wished she'd tell me what it was, even though I'm not sure how much help I could actually be.

And still, despite the mess of her state, she looked breathtaking. Like, hand-to-my-chest, my-knees-are-weak breathtaking. Her eyes zeroed in on me and I held her gaze, half-expecting her to push me away and half-expecting her to throw up. Instead though, her face grew calm and she just smiled at me. The type of smile that made me forget where I was and the situation we were in.

Reaching up with an unsteady hand, Keira giggled. "You're so pretty," she said, her words slightly slurred as she stuck her finger between my lips.