Untouchable ~ A Jared Leto/MARS Fanfiction

Chapter Seventeen

Don't.

Do it.

Don't.

Do it!

I silence that inner argument the only way I can. I turn my head just a little and press my lips to his bare flesh, just under his collarbone where he's got 30 Seconds to Mars' motto, Provehito In Altum, tattooed. Beneath my lips, Jared's chest hitches and his arms around me tighten as my kisses make their way to the side of his neck.

"Lanie..." he whispers. "I...what..."

I silence him with a single finger over his lips as my own continue their journey. God, he smells so good, his flesh and his hair are like silk. I pause to nip his earlobe, eliciting a gasp, a further tightening of his arms around me, and another whisper of my name that sends a delicious shiver through me. Dimly, I realize I've never, ever, not even with Todd, been much of an aggressor in bed. I find that I'm liking this a lot, and I wonder how far he'll allow me to go before stopping it.

He doesn't stop me. Not when I place my palm against his cheek, turning his face to mine. Not when I lower my mouth to his. Not when my hands begin to explore his firm, sculpted chest, his abdomen that quivers under my touch. Not when I grasp his hip and turn him slightly toward me.

Our tongues swirl around one another's, our quickened breathing intermingles between us, and Jared's erection brushes against the part of me that's on fire and craves so much more. As does he. But despite that, surely Jared's going to end this any second now, his voice thickened with desire and regret about how we can't go there and then I'm going to move away from him and then I'm going to stare out the window and then I'm going to wonder all over again what it is about me that causes him to behave like this.

Sure enough, I detect his withdrawal before he moves to pull away. I feel his darkened eyes burrow deep into me. He slowly runs the tip of his tongue over his lips, caresses my cheek and whispers, "Was this some cruel form of punishment for the way I acted today?"

No, but now that you mention it... I shake my head. "I want to understand you, Jared," I say quietly. "And I want to understand...this." I gesture between him and me.

He sighs deeply. "Yeah. I know." His hand drops to my shoulder and pulls me against him again. "I sleep so much better when I'm here next to you than I have in such a long time, Lanie. It's like the pain and this godawful itching in my leg doesn't even matter. My back doesn't spasm, though I'm sure the massages have a lot to do with that. My nightmares aren't as intense, except that first night. I just...it feels so good to hold you and feel you next to me. If I'm being a selfish bastard because of that, please just say so."

"I...no, I don't think that." I roll onto my back. "It's just these boundaries you have." I stare up at the ceiling. "You say you want me, you kiss me and you touch me and then you—"

"I know." He reaches under the blanket and gropes for my hand. "I send out the most extreme mixed signals."

"Bipolar," I mutter.

"I'm not bipolar," Jared says. "I might be an oddball, but not in any DSM way that I know of. Except maybe a touch narcissistic." I look at him and he shrugs. "But that comes with the job. Pretty much a prerequisite."

"I didn't mean you're bipolar. This is bipolar. I'd just like to know why, so I can understand you better. Why there are lines not to cross. Why crossing them will, in your own words, fuck everything up."

Jared closes his eyes and for a moment I wonder if he'll answer me. Finally he rubs his hand over his face, tugging at his beard. "Do you know who John Barrymore was?"