White Dragon Stories

Contrasts

"Koumei?", Hakuryuu asked in disbelieve.
He barely saw the other man outside of their meetings, so it was surprising to meet his cousin here of all places.
"Taking a stroll as well? Want to come with us?"
Hakuryuu approached Koumei with his son on his arm.
"Yes, a stroll to distract my mind a bit. I am really busy with my work, so I don't have much time to go outside often", Koumei lied.
Yes, lately he had to do more work, because he had to think of new improvements and how to fix some severe problems with their different devices. His lack of sleep, which resulted in him getting dark circles around his eyes, was not only due to his guilt – he had gotten used to that feeling already –, but because of all his worries for the Kou Empire's company future.
"Even when you are busy with work, you shouldn't neglect your health."
Hakuryuu was right, but Koumei knew this himself and had never cared much. In the last years he had gotten paler, thinner and his overall health had gotten worse. If he didn't want to die an early death, he should start taking care of himself. Hakuryuu on the other hand looked fine. Koumei was surprised over and over again, how similar Hakuryuu and Hakuyuu looked. Their personality was also pretty similar. However, since Hakuyuu had died with twenty-two years it was now hard to tell, how much Hakuryuu and Hakuyuu were still alike. What Koumei could compare and did a lot was comparing the present Hakuryuu with his childhood self. Wasn't it strange that he could remember his younger cousin so well, but could barely remember anything about his own childhood? Well, he could remember a few things, but he couldn't compare his past self with his present one.
As child Hakuryuu was always happy, curious, but also very polite and shy around strangers. When he had first met Hakuryuu, the young boy had hid behind his older brother Hakuren and hadn't even dared to look at Koumei. If Hakuren hadn't told Hakuryuu to not hid and greet his older cousin, Koumei would have probably overlooked him back then. Even as child Koumei was quite interested in different things, like astrology and Hakuryuu would often asked him about it, whenever Hakuyuu wasn't around. Once Koumei had asked his younger cousin, why he always came to him instead asking Hakuren, and Hakuryuu told him that he would know more than the second prince about this subject. That day Koumei felt so much pride inside him. Being better than his amazing older cousin was great. Knowing that someone was looking up to and admired him made him feel great. Unfortunately, all of this had gone to nothing, because of the mess after the fire incident. He often wished he could turn back time and fix everything, so they would be all together – he would even stop Hakuyuu and Hakuren from dying. But this was just a childish and stupid wish. Things could be better, if he hadn't blindly followed his older brother without looking at the rest of the family, if he had tried to be a good older cousin and take care of Hakuryuu. Hakuryuu had been the one, who had suffered the most and the one, who had been neglected the most in times of need. Nowadays Hakuryuu was often quite silent and barely spoke with others. He preferred to be for himself, which didn't mean he didn't talk with his family, but he wasn't as curious as before and therefore kept his distance to everything new and unknown. Koumei had heard that it had took Hakuryuu a long time until he proposed to his wife and get married, because he was so afraid of what might happen afterwards – and because Hakuryuu had been afraid of being rejected again like he had been by his friends and family before. Hakuryuu's experience with a family or friends wasn't the best. So it was logical for him to hesitate before making such a big step, although it was obvious how much he loved his wife and wanted to show it everyone through their marriage.
"I'm sorry to worry you. I will take some rest later."
The question only was, when this "later" actually would be. So this was just another lie. Why was Hakuryuu even worrying about him?
"Why don't you come with us? We wanted to go to the nearby lake. It is a nice place to take a nap", Hakuryuu suggested with a smile.
"Thank you for the offer, but I was already on my way back to get some rest."
Another lie. So many lies. He felt bad for all of them, but his mind told him he was not allowed to be with his family – the family he had treated so badly. It was the best for everyone, if he stayed away.
"Oh ... Well, that's unfortunate", Hakuryuu said.
Was this sadness in his eyes? No, Koumei must have imaged it. Maybe it was disappointment? But why should Hakuryuu be disappointed? Shouldn't he be happy to not have to deal with his older cousin, who had caused him so much pain in the past – although said pain was inflicted indirectly?
During their conversation Hakuryuu's son had not even once looked again at his uncle, since he was busy with playing with his father's hair.
"Now then, I will take my leave. Rest well, Koumei. No one is helped when he get sick, due to lack of sleep or even worse. You only have one body and one life, don't waste it."
Hakuryuu walked past Koumei, Koumei on the other hand just stood there, looking at the ground and feeling a bit angry. He was the older one, so it should be him, who gave advice! Things could be so much easier, if Hakuryuu would be angrier with him, would yell at him and would blame him. Things could be so much easier, if Hakuryuu wouldn't act, as if everything was fine. Maybe everything was fine for him, but not for Koumei.

"Tomorrow is the twin's birthday. You should come and celebrate with all of us. Hakuei and Kougyoku will be there with their children as well. I am sure they would love to see you again."
It really have been a long time since Koumei had last spoken to Hakuei. He had heard of her marriage and that she left the Empire to live with her husband, but neither had he attended her wedding nor did he even know who her husband was. He really had isolated himself from his family.
"Don't try to make up a lie. We both know you are free tomorrow."
Hakuryuu had turned around after he had walked away a few steps. He smiled at Koumei, while all Koumei could do was standing there not knowing what to do. Hakuryuu had really changed a lot ever since they had been children. From the happy little sunshine into a rebellious and strong ruler and last but not least into a kind, caring and seemingly happy father. And he, Koumei, he hadn't changed at all. He still was lazy and didn't care about his health and appearance. He hadn't become stronger or kinder or smarter. Maybe he should try to change as well? It wasn't too late, right? As long as he was alive he could change and his family would support him.
"Then ... Um, I guess, until tomorrow?", Koumei said with an insecure undertone.
Koumei didn't feel ready to meet his whole family and his guilt didn't make him feel any better, but when he really wanted to change, he had to make changes now. Facing his family and therewith his past, was a first step. Maybe he couldn't make a good family with his siblings and cousins, but he could try being a good uncle.
"Until tomorrow", Hakuryuu replied and left with his son to take nap at the nearby lake.
Koumei watched Hakuryuu walking away and after the other one was out of sight he also made his way back to his room.