i need you | in stereo

五 | ethan.

the next day we were allowed to visit jakob in his room at the hospital.

jakob's nurse, jennie, led us to where he was staying.

"he's not breathing on his own yet," she says softly. "but still, he might be able to hear you. try to bring him back, you know?"

i look over at chris, and he simply nods at jennie. i avert my gaze back to the white floors.

jennie opens the door to jakob's room - room number thirty nine.

"jakob hates that number," i mumble under my breath.

"sorry?" jennie says turning to face us.

"is it possible to move jakob to a different room?" i ask. "jakob hates the number thirty nine."

"uh-" jennie starts. "i'll-i'll check with the main doctor."

"it's fine," chris quickly says. "jennie, don't worry about it. we don't want to be too much of a burden."

"but-" i start.

"let's go in ethan," chris says, brushing past jennie.

i sigh and follow him in.

when we enter, there are two white curtains hanging from the ceiling.

"jakob is behind the curtain," jennie says from behind us. "i'll leave now and give you two some privacy. there's a green button beside jakob's bed, just press it if you need anything and a doctor will come."

i hear chris say a thank you to her and i hear the click of the door closing. i let out a shaky breath i didn't realise i was holding.

"hey, you okay ethan?"

"i'm fine."

"you don't have to do this if you don't want to," he says, putting a hand on my shoulder. "you've had a rough couple of days."

"it's fine, really." i push his hand off my shoulder. "let's just do it."

we both walk forward to where the curtain is. chris looks at me, and i nod.

he pulls back the curtain.

my heart instantly sinks.

jakob is lying on a bed in a hospital gown. there were several tubes running up and down his body. one led to his nose, another to his mouth - his life support.

jakob's skin, which was usually tanned and full of life seemed to have lost its colour. he was pale, and covered in cuts and bruises. the injuries he had put flaws in what was once a perfect body.

his face was even worse.

he had a bandage which covered a huge gash on his left cheek. there were more smaller cuts and several more bruises spread out across his face and some down his neck. his lower lip was cut.

jakob's jaw also had a large bruise on it and was slightly swollen.

was that because of the accident, or i am the one that's responsible for it? it was around the area i think i hit him.

"ethan," chris says, snapping me out of my thoughts. i look at him and he's already sitting down in one of the chairs. he gestures to the chair next to his, and i sit.

chris and i both sit quietly for a minute, both of us looking at jakob. the room would be completely silent if it weren't for the footsteps out in the corridor and the steady hum of jakob's heart monitor.

chris sighs. "should i talk?"

"yeah. go ahead."

he swallows.

"hi, jakob." he starts off.

"i don't know if you can hear us, but if you can, please listen to us."

"we went through a lot from last night up until this moment. from finding out you got into a car crash, to being informed that you fell into a coma, and now, where you're here in front of us, so badly injured. we can't really do much physically. all we can really do is come back here and visit you, asking you to come back."

he pauses to take a breath, and wipes away the tears that are starting to form in his eyes.

"we need you, jakob. we really do. not just ethan and i, but your family. the fans. please, please come back to us."

silence passes over the two of us again.

"hey, chris?" i say softly.

"yeah?"

"can-" i breath out. "can i have a minute alone with jakob?"

he nods, and pushes his hair back away from his face. "of course. i'll- uh- i'll go wait outside."

i mouth a small 'thank you' as he gets up from his seat. my gaze follows him as he exits the room, and as soon as the door shuts i look back at jakob.

"hey," i say, scratching the back of my neck awkwardly.

i had so much to say to jakob. i just didn't know how to say it.

"jakob," i start.

"if you can hear me now, i just want you to know that- i- i really didn't mean what i said to you at all yesterday."

i pull the sleeves of my sweater down to cover my hands.

"i'm so sorry for being so fucking selfish. i only cared about myself, and now you're here, almost lifeless in front of me. i fucked up, i really fucked up this time. i want you to know that i'm sorry. i'm so fucking sorry, jakob."

i wipe away the tears that are starting to fall down my face. i reach forward and grab jakob's hand. it's cold, almost lifeless. not completely, because he's still alive.

"you- you don't have to forgive me," i sniffle. "if i were you, i wouldn't forgive me, honestly. but i just want you know i'm sorry. for everything. i truly am."

"i need you, jakob delgado."

"please- please don't leave me."

———

hi bbs i just wanted to say that ilyasm, hope you enjoyed this chap :)

xo, kaitleen