i need you | in stereo

四 | chris.

ethan had fallen asleep on the way back to my house from the hospital.

after finding out that jakob had fallen into a coma, he went into hysterics. he literally cried himself to sleep in the passenger seat.

i know he wasn't in a good state emotionally, and i couldn't stop thinking about what he said to me.

"what if he's dead chris? do you know what my last words were to him?"

"i told him he was an idiot! i called him useless! worthless! i told him i didn't need him!"

"it's not even true, i didn't mean it."

the time on my watch reads 11:53 PM. almost six hours after the accident. six hours without jakob.

"ethan," i whisper, turning off the engine of the car.

i nudge his arm. "hey, ethan. wake up."

he doesn't wake up. he just stays in a curled up position in the seat. he's fast asleep.

"okay then," i mumble to myself getting out of the car. i wall over to the passenger side and open the door.

unbuckling his seatbelt, i pick him up and he immediately buries his face into my arm.

his cheeks are red and stained with tears from earlier. his hair was messy and sticking up in random places. he was a mess.

i sighed and carried ethan up to my apartment.

———

i lay ethan down on my bed, being careful not to wake him up. i pull a blanket over him and turn the bedside light on.

as i turn to leave the room, i hear ethan shift around on the bed.

"chris?" i hear him mumble into the pillow.

i turn around to face him. "yes, ethan?"

"can you stay with me for a while?"

he rubs his rose and blinks at me. "you-you don't have to sleep next to me, i just-"

"no, ethan, it's fine."

i lie down next to ethan.

"chris?" he whispers.

"yeah?"

"do you think jakob's going to be okay?"

a silence passes over us for a minute.

"yeah. he's strong, ethan. he's going to be okay."

"but that's what everyone says," he says softly. i turn to face him and see that tears are pooling in his eyes.

"what if he's not okay, chris? what if he doesn't wake up?"

"ethan-"

"everyone keeps saying that jakob's strong, that he's going to pull through. what if he doesn't?"

"he's going to ethan. don't say that."

"i know i shouldn't be saying things like that," he continues. "but i can't help but feel like this is all my fault."

"it's not, ethan."

"what if it is? if i was a bit nicer to jakob, a bit more gentle, a bit more considerate, this wouldn't have happened. i wouldn't have argued with him. i wouldn't have hit him. he wouldn't have gone home early. if he didn't go home early he wouldn't be in that accident."

he's crying again. "it's my fault. what if he dies hating me?"

"hey," i say, propping myself up on my elbow. "ethan. it's not your fault." i use my thumb to gently wipe away the tears off his rosy cheeks.

"jakob is a strong guy. you know that right? and i know you two may have fought but you're like a brother to him. i know that he knows you were just frustrated at that point in time. he doesn't hate you."

ethan sniffles and wipes some tears off his chin. "okay."

"get some sleep," i say sitting up. "it's been a long day."

he nods and shifts so he's facing away from me.

"goodnight chris."

"goodnight ethan."

———

sorry this is so bad lol